Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Patience and Perserverance.

Our genetic counselor called this morning to apologize that they had messed up and did not order the test that would give us early results. She spoke with the lab director and apparently they are able to still run the test, and the results should likely be in tomorrow (Wednesday). She expects the full amnio results at the beginning of next week.

So again we wait. God has completely been preparing us for this time. We did alot of waiting last year...to get pregnant, to heal after a loss, each month of trying to conceive again, then waiting to make it through the first trimester where we felt "safe". It's hard to wait for God's timing. It's hard to wait for everything to unfold...if we could only see what God sees! If we could only understand the big picture.

Our trials last year helped prepare us to have patience (not that we have mastered this virtue by any means)...but it must have been practice for what is ahead of us. I can finally pull some "meaning" from our losses last year. The ectopic pregnancy was a huge moral challenge for us- how do you go about removing the baby who cannot survive growing on an ovary or in a fallopian tube? Is there a moral way and an immoral way? Never did we think we would have to ask ourselves such questions! Yet, we did and we were challenged to find morally acceptable answers. Answers which left us confident of future decisions regarding the value and dignity of human life. This could have only been a deep preparation for the trial which we face now with our little Mary Grace. We would never consider aborting our child. But what if we are faced with caring for this child with many special needs? We can clearly say this year that we are joyfully up for the challenge if the other option is not being allowed to care for her at all! We would gladly take this on if it is God's plan to give her to us. And could I have answered that question in the same way last year?? I think I would have been overwhelmed in a fearful sort of way. I would not have been mature enough to accept what could be before us. God has been preparing our hearts.

My dear friend Meredith made me a scripture book with uplifting and inspirational bible verses for this time in our life...here is the one I am reading today. It seems so fitting.

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perserverance. Perserverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." James 1:2-4


Hil323 said...

You never cease to amaze me. You are an amazing woman. I always knew you were wonderful and special. But you are astounding. I love you and my prayers and thoughts have been with you ever minute and they will remain so.


Hil323 said...

Hey girl,
Read my blog too. So should everyone else!

Rachel ~ Heartg said...

I have followed your story from 2WW.com. You have an amazing spirit and a true faith in God. You and your family are in my prayers.

Angie Smith said...

i just wanted you to know i was praying for you...

thank you for the email, and let me know if there is anything i can do.

angie smith

Meredith said...

Sweeet friend, your maturity in your faith and the way you are seeing God's work in your life over the past year is truely inspirational! God does promise to never forsake us and clearly, He has been preparing your hearts for this time in your life, and He might still be preparing your hearts for future plans-no matter what the outcomes are for precious Mary Grace. Stay encouraged b/c like scripture tells us, your family will NOT LACK IN ANYTHING!!!! love you!

Abigail said...

I LOVE that passage from James. Might be naming my next son (if I'm so blessed) James just for that very reason!