19 Weeks 4 Days, Regular OB Appointment

Well Praise to God that she still has a heartbeat! I did not doubt that her little heart would be beating at our regular OBGYN appointment this morning, but it is still such a praiseworthy sound! Another praise is that I gained a pound since my last visit 2 weeks ago!! (Now hopefully some of that can be attributed to Mary Grace having grown an extradorinary amount in a very short time- catch up my little one!)

Yesterday Robert and I had compiled a list of questions. One list was medical questions for our doctors and the other list is for our priest; they are more religious/spiritual/moral in nature. I felt a little troubled when I was compiling these questions, and this is why: If I make preparations for Mary Grace's death, then does that mean that I don't have faith that God will heal her?? And if I don't have enough faith like the people in the bible stories then maybe He won't. I have really been battling with this over the last couple of days. Do I dare make a list of "what happens if she dies?" questions??? God knows our thoughts, so even thinking about the whole matter might mean my faith is weak!

In the end, we felt that God wants us to be prepared...he put us through the other losses so that we would have preparation for the future. Especially, like I've talked about before with the ectopic pregnancy; being prepared for moral issues that we could face. If she's born with this fatal condition, do we just provide her with comfort care or are we morally obligated to keep her alive on a ventilator or with other extreme measures? These are the questions (which will obviously be directed to our pastor) that we need answers for and I believe that God wants us to be prepared while remaining hopeful and trusting in Him.

So our questions for Dr. S were:

1. Are there any extra risks to me if this pregnancy continues to term? We had read about a potential increased risk for pre-eclampsia (pregnancy induced hypertension) and also potentially cancer. He did not think there were any extreme risks for these conditions...just as much as any other pregnancy for the pre-eclampsia and very little risk of cancer. **I also need to add here that we would continue with this pregnancy regardless of the risks to me.

2. If we continue at the specialty clinic would they continue to do ultrasounds on Mary Grace and how often? Yes, he wants me to continue to go there every 4-6 weeks (which means I will get to see her often!).

3. How often would I continue to see Dr. S to check for hearttones? My visits with him will continue just as if it were a normal pregnancy (right now that means every 4 weeks) with all the regular tests (like the glucose tolerance test for gestational diabetes, etc.)

4. If she is stillborn will she get a birth or death certificate? Yes, after 20 weeks (which is in 3 days).

5. If we make it to delivery do we do a c-section or vaginal birth? That depends on alot of things...of course my doc did not want to really "go there" until we see how long she makes it (which I wanted to tell him would be the whole way!)..but he made it sound like since she would likely be smaller we could try a vaginal delivery and they would monitor her and c-section would be the backup plan. This is a question I will likely ask my specialist doctor at next week's appointment...because it seems to me that all the stories I have read where the baby goes to term end up with a c-section. There is still alot of uncertainty about where I would deliver according to Dr. S. While the specialty clinic had basically said, "you would deliver at Rex because there is nothing we can do for the baby anyway", Dr. S seemed to be of the opinion that it was possible that the delivery would be at a more specialized location like UNC Hospital. So I feel good with the majority of our care being in Dr. S's hands...I really hope God can just amaze all these doctors with a miracle!

Still no word on the full amnio results. I was really expecting them yesterday and now I'm really expecting them today. Tomorrow will be the full 14 days of waiting and you can bet that I will be calling them if they have not called me.