Friday, February 13, 2009

I'm still here.

Wednesday was the feast day of Our Lady of Lourdes. I had a hard time talking to people on Wednesday. Finding out that the test results were showing Triploidy just made the whole thing real, and it was hard to receive news that was even worse than what we were expecting. It's taking time for it to sink in. I felt depressed by the news and was unsure if I would attend bible study that night, just because I couldn't imagine facing anyone. But I knew it was the feast day of Our Lady of Lourdes and I had asked Mary again to intercede for us on her feast day, that God might save Mary Grace. I thought about emailing my bible study group to see if anyone had any blessed water from Lourdes. But since I was so unsure if I was going to go, I decided not to ask. I just thought, "If it is meant to be that we are to bless Mary Grace with holy water then someone will show up at bible study with it!" And so I went that night to bible study and waited. As soon as she arrived, Marilyn said, "I almost brought my holy water from Lourdes- it's in my classroom. (there at the church's school!) Do you want me to go get it?" "YES!" I said, "Go get it!!" I was so humbled that she would offer and so thrilled that God answered my plea! So they blessed me with holy water from Lourdes on the feast day of Our Lady of Lourdes and lit the most fragant smelling blessed candle for my little Mary Grace. I felt so blessed that I had gone and so blessed to be around such God-filled women!

I got some messages about not having posted yesterday from some concerned friends and I am okay. When I woke up yesterday, I must have slept in an awkward position, because I woke up and could not turn or bend my neck- it hurt terribly! I had to make all my movements by bending or turning at the waist, which looked ridiculous. I went to the chiropractor that morning who told me it was likely caused by stress... hmmm, I think so! He told me I had sprained a ligament in my neck and worked on it; today I'm feeling much much better and have more movement again. In any case that is the main reason there was no post...just that I was in some serious pain!

Wednesday and Thursday it was hard to feel joy. But today I feel like it is starting to come back, which is what I want. I want to continue to be joyful that I am pregnant. There will be a time for grieving, but for now I want to enjoy carrying around this precious little life inside me. I want to be hopeful and continue with our life. We have lots of hard decisions to make and I don't want it to sound like I am trying to escape reality. Trust me, I know what the reality is. But while I can celebrate her alive in me, I will! There are so many things about this situation that I can not choose. But I can choose to celebrate Mary Grace while she is alive in me. And I can choose to pray for her healing and to trust in God (whatever the outcome).

"Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for that is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

My thoughts and prayers continue to be with all of you. I know this is a most difficult situation but your love of God and family, faith and prayer life is amazing and a tribute to God and an example for all of us. I know God is giving you all strength and holding you in His loving arms and will help you all the way no matter what the outcome. Sandra Hayes (SLA)

Sarah said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Sarah said...

Angela, I'm so sorry that you have to feel this pain ... there's nothing more difficult to experience than the loss of a child. I lost a baby in a similar way in 2007. You can read about our experience here: http://toomuchinfo-sarah.blogspot.com/

May God and your family provide you comfort now, and always.

God bless, Sarah

Emily Anne Jones said...

I love you so much. I'm following your blog daily and praying for you every second I can! I hope that when you're ready, we can talk. You are such a beacon of His light...and I'm so blessed to call you friend. Your story and how you're choosing to live your life right now is a true testament of faith. Big hugs and kisses to both little girls in your fam and an equally large hug to you and Rob. Can't wait to see you soon...

*Em

imdesired said...

Bless you, Angela.... You're so incredibly strong! And I totally 100% agree with you, as much as you have complete sadness that Mary Grace might not be healthy, you have every right to give her the joy that she is alive NOW, and growing inside of you. You've got to be a special woman, Angela - because to be chosen to be her momma.. well, that's something you'll never forget, and she's already touching so many lives.
(((big hugs)))

Maridith said...

A friend sent me your blog and I wanted to let you know that I am praying for you & your precious Mary Grace. You are so courageous to share your store with the www. I pray for comfort and strength as you continue your pregnancy! I will continue to check in on you and Mary Grace.