Wednesday was the feast day of Our Lady of Lourdes. I had a hard time talking to people on Wednesday. Finding out that the test results were showing Triploidy just made the whole thing real, and it was hard to receive news that was even worse than what we were expecting. It's taking time for it to sink in. I felt depressed by the news and was unsure if I would attend bible study that night, just because I couldn't imagine facing anyone. But I knew it was the feast day of Our Lady of Lourdes and I had asked Mary again to intercede for us on her feast day, that God might save Mary Grace. I thought about emailing my bible study group to see if anyone had any blessed water from Lourdes. But since I was so unsure if I was going to go, I decided not to ask. I just thought, "If it is meant to be that we are to bless Mary Grace with holy water then someone will show up at bible study with it!" And so I went that night to bible study and waited. As soon as she arrived, Marilyn said, "I almost brought my holy water from Lourdes- it's in my classroom. (there at the church's school!) Do you want me to go get it?" "YES!" I said, "Go get it!!" I was so humbled that she would offer and so thrilled that God answered my plea! So they blessed me with holy water from Lourdes on the feast day of Our Lady of Lourdes and lit the most fragant smelling blessed candle for my little Mary Grace. I felt so blessed that I had gone and so blessed to be around such God-filled women!
I got some messages about not having posted yesterday from some concerned friends and I am okay. When I woke up yesterday, I must have slept in an awkward position, because I woke up and could not turn or bend my neck- it hurt terribly! I had to make all my movements by bending or turning at the waist, which looked ridiculous. I went to the chiropractor that morning who told me it was likely caused by stress... hmmm, I think so! He told me I had sprained a ligament in my neck and worked on it; today I'm feeling much much better and have more movement again. In any case that is the main reason there was no post...just that I was in some serious pain!
Wednesday and Thursday it was hard to feel joy. But today I feel like it is starting to come back, which is what I want. I want to continue to be joyful that I am pregnant. There will be a time for grieving, but for now I want to enjoy carrying around this precious little life inside me. I want to be hopeful and continue with our life. We have lots of hard decisions to make and I don't want it to sound like I am trying to escape reality. Trust me, I know what the reality is. But while I can celebrate her alive in me, I will! There are so many things about this situation that I can not choose. But I can choose to celebrate Mary Grace while she is alive in me. And I can choose to pray for her healing and to trust in God (whatever the outcome).
"Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for that is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18