Sunday, February 8, 2009

God's love is perfect and endless.

Today at church I felt like all the readings and songs were speaking to me. I really became lost in God's word. Our responsorial psalm was from Psalm 147:

R. (cf. 3a) Praise the Lord, who heals the brokenhearted.
Praise the LORD, for he is good;
sing praise to our God, for he is gracious;
it is fitting to praise him.
The LORD rebuilds Jerusalem;
the dispersed of Israel he gathers.
R. Praise the Lord, who heals the brokenhearted.
He heals the brokenhearted
and binds up their wounds.
He tells the number of the stars;
he calls each by name.
R. Praise the Lord, who heals the brokenhearted.

Then we sang Eye Has Not Seen and these verses in particular struck me:
Eye has not seen, ear has not heard
what God has ready for those who love Him.
Spirit of love, come give us the mind of Jesus.
Teach us the wisdom of God.

When pain and sorrow weigh us down,
be near to us O Lord.
Forgive the weakness of our faith
and bear us up within Your peaceful word.

Our lives are but a single breath.
We flower and we fade.
Yet all our days are in Your hands
so we return in love what love has made.

Emotion and music are a bad combination for me, and I was pulling out the kleenex right there in our pew. Especially thinking about what it would be like to return Mary Grace to God, so soon after Love had made her.
After church we took Isabel to feed the geese at a local park. We then played on the playground and I watched other families play with their kids...I listened to a mom remind her child to "wait for your sister". It made me wonder how long Isabel would have to wait for a sibling she could play with at a park. I felt like I was in a movie watching everyone else enjoy their happy moments while I was thinking about Mary Grace. I felt guilty for not giving Isabel my full attention while she was proudly digging in the sand.

When Isabel napped today, I tried to do the same. But I can't seem to stop thinking once I lie down and everything is quiet. I feel like I need to be praying in that quiet time for healing, or trying to come up with all the answers to the "what if this happens?" type of questions. It seems like once everything is quiet, that's when my mind has time to focus on all of these thoughts. I was lying there thinking about Abraham in Genesis 18 where he is asking God if he would spare the city of Sodom for just 50 righteous people. Then he keeps pushing a little farther, "How about 45? How about 40? 30? Would you spare it if you found 30 righteous people?" He is so bold to keep asking God...and gets down to 10! "God, if you found just 10 righteous people, would you spare Sodom?" And God agrees.

I started thinking sort of a reverse of that...God, how many people do you need to pray for Mary Grace before you will heal her? Of course, I know that is a ridiculous question to ask! Because I know that God hears my prayer...even if I were the only one praying for this little baby, I know that He hears me. But I kept thinking about it regardless..what if there is one person out there this little girl is supposed to reach and the Lord is waiting until we reach that person? That doesn't mean it is His plan to heal her. But I guess it is my humanly way of trying to do something. If there was a certain number of prayers, a certain number of people I had to reach to save you, I would do it Mary Grace! I would absolutely find a way to heal you so you could be here on earth with us. That is how much I love much Mommy, Daddy and your sister love you! But I know God loves you much more than we ever could. His love is perfect. It is endless. I trust in that as we wait for preliminary test results from the amnio. God's love is perfect and it is endless. Even if we get a diagnosis tomorrow, His love is perfect and it is endless.

Please pray for us tomorrow as we await that phone call for preliminary amnio will tell us if she has a trisomy or not. We are so blessed and thankful for all the outpouring of prayers that we have had...that is why I started this blog, so that everyone could stay updated and know how much we appreciate every thought and prayer that comes our way.


imdesired said...

Definitely thinking and praying for you, sweetie! Little Mary Grace already has so much love and prayers coming her way!!

Lisa said...

I dont know you well, just a fellow poster on TWW. I hope its okay that I follow your journey and join you in praying for Mary Grace. Our God is an Awesome God and He is able to do immeasurably more then all we ask or imagine (Ephesians 3:20). If you havent found it already, I highly recommend the CD 'A Grateful People' by Watermark. The insight in their lyrics were a God-send to me. God bless, Lisa

Anonymous said...

I too do not know you well. Just a lurker on tww, but my heart aches for you - but you don't need that - you have the all powerful GOD on your side. Only HE knows the reasons behind everything in our lives. I will pray for your Mary Grace. She is already a blessing!!

Anonymous said...

Oh - I fogot to add. I follow a christian website that had a young baby that had a LOT of problems. The babies name is Stellan. You should read her blog. It is fabulous. Her faith was tremendous as well. I have attached the link to her site. It's called My Charming Kids and it is wonderfully spiritual to read. Let me know what you think!