Sunday, September 25, 2011

Convicted at church.

Thus says the LORD:
You say, "The LORD's way is not fair!"
Hear now, house of Israel:
Is it my way that is unfair, or rather, are not your ways unfair?
When someone virtuous turns away from virtue to commit iniquity, and dies,
it is because of the iniquity he committed that he must die.
But if he turns from the wickedness he has committed,
he does what is right and just,
he shall preserve his life;
since he has turned away from all the sins that he has committed,
he shall surely live, he shall not die.    Ezekiel 18:25-28

This was the first reading at Mass today.  And it really began to convict me.  It got me thinking about how a person's heart can truly be turned to God at even the very last moment of his life.  If the person will just turn away from sin.  It's hard to understand sometimes, that turning away from money, comfort, and control of your life can actually preserve your life.  
Heaven seems so far off, sometimes.  
God seems so distant sometimes.
And yet both thing could be brought before you in the blink of an eye. 

I was convicted later in Mass during the gospel reading (Matthew 21:28-32), where again the point of conversion was was the story of the man with 2 sons, one of whom said that he would not go work in the vineyard (after being asked by his father), but later changed his mind. 
Something changed in his heart, which allowed him to obey his father. 
And it changed after he had initially rejected making the right choice.

And so it can be with those we love....or maybe even with our own self! 

I have been rejecting an opportunity to forgive.  I received some devotional emails on the topic of forgiveness and have been avoiding them for about a week and a half now.  It's too hard.  It's too much to read.  I thought I already forgave...but why do I still have all these angry feelings?? 

I know what is the right thing to do.  I've been telling the Lord, "it isn't fair", just like in the first reading.   And maybe some things are more difficult to forgive when you are living them.  It's not always a past hurt, but sometimes it is in the present....I guess forgiveness can be in the present too.  Maybe some people have to pray for the strength to forgive on a daily basis...

Good thing God is near.

Thursday, September 15, 2011

I'm back and thankful. last post was August 5th, and here we are at September 15th!  Bad blogger! 

I've looked at this website many times over the last month and have almost started writing a post, then stopped. 

I've got what I can call nothing other than a spiritual war going on inside and around me.  Maybe someone out there can relate, but I've just noticed, and have been a part of Satan really trying to attack, tear down and destroy whatever he can of "the family unit"....I've experienced it in my own family, and I've seen it around me. 

And I've had a hard time with it.  I haven't known how to write about it.  I've had lots of anger over it.  I've been struggling with FORGIVENESS, RELEASING situations to God, CHOOSING to LOVE,....and frankly I feel like I've been thrown into a world that I did not know could exist.  A world that I would have never believed God would ever have brought my way, and a world around which the "potholes" so-to-speak, are difficult to navigate.

This sounds really depressing, and it is!  But there are things that I am learning too....

The most amazing, is that for the whole time that Rob and I struggled with losing babies and with trying to get pregnant again, I wondered why all of this was God's plan.  How could it be that He didn't want me to have any of those babies.....the answer many people gave:  "All in God's time", "God's timing is perfect", "Wait on the Lord".  And I believed all of those statements....I just didn't understand. 

But in the situation that I am experiencing now, God is letting me in on His plan...just a little bit. 
While I can't speak on the situation here on this blog, I can say, that God gave me Ian, for this time.  At Adoration one day, that thought came to me.  God wanted me to understand this.

Not only is he a little miracle because we waited so long, and waited through such heartache for him, but he is a miracle who's purpose is to bring a special joy and love, and a reminder of God's EVER-PRESENT LOVE to me and my family during this time in our life. 

This baby is so easy to smile.... he will laugh practically on command....  he is oh-so ticklish!! 
And those baby giggles and smiles are holding me together. 
Oh God is so good.  He knew what I would need before I even knew that I would need it.
He saw a situation from afar, and refined me through fire, and molds and remolds me as I continue my journey. 

God, my husband, and my children.   He knew what I would need! 
And I am so very thankful I have all of them in my life.