Thursday, March 5, 2009

How to move beyond tomorrow.

Tomorrow is her funeral and I am so sad. It's been good to have this week of busy activity; trying to get everything organized and planned for the funeral, because it's kept me distracted. But I don't want tomorrow to come. After her funeral, that will be it. Everyone will go home and we'll be expected to "move on" with our lives. And I don't know how to move beyond tomorrow. It is alot like how I felt on Sunday morning. I hadn't wanted to wake up Sunday, because that was the "day after" I delivered Mary Grace. The day after I got to hold my tiny little baby. The day after everyone who came into our hospital room mourned our loss with us. The day after. It all happened so fast now. All those hours of waiting to deliver her and now the delivery is over, holding her is over, memorizing her face is over, funeral preparations are over and tomorrow after the funeral it will all be over. I just want God to carry me while I cry, because I don't know how to take the next step. Please pray that God will show us how to move forward over the next few days.


Meredith said...

Sweet friend, I wish I could take your pain away and make all of your suffering disappear. I completely understand about not wanting "tomorrow" to come to an end, because like you said, it does make it "all over." But stay encouraged that even though the actions, the pregancy, the birth, the sweet time of holding Mary Grace, the funeral preperations, etc. will be over, she will FOREVER live in your heart and be right near to you, Rob, and Isabel as you place one foot in front of the other one day at a time. I know it's hard to see this now, but this is also a new beginning for your family. One chapter of your life will be "over" after tomorrow, but press on in your faith and hope because as our Heavenly Father has promised, "He wants to give you the desires of your heart"...He knows you long for a healthy baby, a healthy pregnancy, and His plans will not fail you. Pull out daily scripture that tells us over and over again of people's sufferings and hardships they endured that in turn lead to a lifetime of blessings and peace and joy and happiness. God is faithful and He will help you through each day. Rely on your familiy who loves you all so much, rely on your friends to help you get through a bad day! Your faith is strong and God wouldnt allow you to go through something you and Rob can not handle.
So be encouraged that Mary Grace is at peace, she's been perfected and is more beautiful than when you saw her, and that she will forever get to live inside your heart and memories, even after tomorrow is "over."
When I read your post today, the one and only thing that popped in my mind/heart was the Footprints Poem. So read, and re-read 100x over the next several months, years, etc. how ever much you need to, and be reminded and comforted that our God will carry you and help you through each new coming day. Jesus knows your sad and expects you to grieve so rest in His words from John 16:20: "You will grieve, but your grief will turn to joy."

One night I had a dream--
I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord and across the sky flashed scenes from my life.
For each scene I noticed two sets of footprints, one belonged to me and the other to the Lord.
When the last scene of my life flashed before me,I looked back at the footprints in the sand.
I noticed that many times along the path of my life, there was only one set of footprints.
I also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times in my life.
This really bothered me and I questioned the Lord about it.
"Lord, you said that once I decided to follow you, you would walk with me all the way,
but I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life there is only one set of footprints.
"I don't understand why in times when I needed you most, you should leave me."
The Lord replied, "My precious, precious child,
I love you and I would never, never leave you
during your times of trial and suffering.
"When you saw only one set of footprints,
it was then that I carried you."

Anonymous said...

God has been and will continue to carry all of you through this time. We will never forget Mary Grace. She has touched so many people and your and Rob's love of God, faith and family will continue as you move forward and all of that will help you put one foot in front of the other day by day as you hold God's hand and each others. I will continue to pray for you all and just enjoy each day as you can and enjoy Isabel. She is so cute. I can't be there tomorrow for the funeral but will be thinking and praying for each of you.


Anonymous said...

I don't know you. I've just heard of your blog, and your unimaginable faith and love you had for your child.

The choices you've made were hard, and not everyone could make them. Not everyone could carry a child that they know may not live.

I hope you find comfort when you need it most, and I hope that your heart is healed in unexpected and joyful ways.

All my respect and hope,
Gabrielle Conforti