Tuesday, March 24, 2009

The grave marker.

After writing my blog post yesterday, Isabel and I drove out to the cemetery. For some reason I felt compelled to take my camera. And sure enough, once we got there, I saw Mary Grace's marker had been placed at her grave. I was surprised that it was already there and yet somehow I knew that it was going to be, even though the cemetery hadn't called to say it was ready. Maybe it was a little present from God to let me know that He was remembering me...to remind me that He is always remembering me. It is hard to see in the picture, but her marker very simply reads: "Mary Grace Holmes, Daughter and Sister, February 28th, 2009".

Lately Isabel has been praying "Thank you God that Mary Grace is in heaven with Jesus and the sheep." So today I asked her, "why do you say 'and the sheep'?" and she told me that Mary Grace had baby sheep in heaven with her. It was kind of sweet that her vision of her sister in heaven has little lambs surrounding her...and of course Isabel's version of heaven would definitely involve little lambs following you around...that would undoubtedly be "heaven" for Isabel...so innocent. So when we got to the graveside today and saw her marker with the 2 little lambs, it was just so appropriate. Isabel picked grass and left it next to the little mouths of the lambs "for them to eat". She also picked those tiny little blue flowers again; as many as she could fit into her hand.

Isabel was using an exceptionally loud voice...the cemetery always seems like such a quiet place even though it is so vast and sprawling...so we talked about how even though we were outdoors, we were to use an indoor voice at the cemetery because it was a special place to remember people who had died, like Mary Grace. I sat on the bench that is still in front of her grave, and Isabel asked "Mommy, can you talk about you remembering Mary Grace?" I was instantly overcome with emotion and literally choked back my tears and told her I was remembering how she used to kick me when she was in my tummy. She asked if I could feel her kicking right now, and of course I had to explain again that she was not in my tummy anymore. How can a 3 year old understand when I can't even understand that she's really not in my tummy anymore?

The grave is still pretty fresh...more so than I thought it would be after 2 1/2 weeks, but maybe it was just from setting the marker. I took a wipe out of the van and cleaned all the clay off the nameplate and granite. I hope you enjoy the pictures of the marker, the little blue flowers and the last picture is of course Isabel looking the marker over.


Meredith said...

Thanks so much for sharing that with us! What a precious and beautiful grave marker it is! And of course b/c I do know Isabel so well, it's PRICELESS about her visions of sheep w/ MG in heaven and then the grass to feed them, etc, etc!! Love her!
And I'm glad you found some comfort in feeling as though God was remembering you...He's never left you nor will He ever. Your pains are His pains and He hears and sees your every cry. Love the last pic of big sister watching over the grave-what 2 precious angels you captured in that picture!!

Anonymous said...

Mary Grace's grave marker is beautful. Your stories about Isabel's questions and thoughts are so sweet and maybe a way of God getting you to talk and help you feel better when she has questions. Just getting you thoughts out even to a little one can be helpful. I wish I could take the pain away and I know you are trusting God through all of this but it is still difficult I know. I will continue to pray for all of you for peace and comfort especially during difficult times to come.