Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Two months since we said, "Goodbye".

Today marks two months since I delivered Mary Grace.

We went out to her grave this morning and there are now two babies buried next to her. The first is Connor W. His grave had a temporary marker, courtesy of the cemetery. I wasn't sure what that meant. Maybe that his parents are ordering a marker that will take a longer time to come in than did Mary Grace's. And another baby had been buried; there was no marker for that grave yet, but fresh white roses had been placed in a plastic vase...11 roses in that vase and one had been placed in Connor's vase. It was really sweet. And sad. Sad that our babies have died. Sad that we have to bring flowers to their graves in their memory instead of receiving flowers in celebration of their birth.

And yet, that's exactly what I did...brought out new (fake) summery pink and purple flowers to place at her headstone. They are pretty for fake flowers. Rob cleaned off the clay and dirt buildup from the marker, and Isabel picked grass to feed to Mary Grace's sheep. And then we all sat on the grass (because they have now removed the bench) and stared at her grave.

It was very peaceful. The sun enveloped us in it's warmth and a gentle breeze blew just enough so that it wasn't too hot. I told Robert that I could fall asleep right there if it wasn't just completely taboo to do so.

After awhile though I felt weak and queasy. I'm not sure if it was the sun or just being at the grave or what, but we left. Maybe it was thinking about it only being two months since we said, "Goodbye" to our little baby. Maybe it was from wondering what happened to the two other little babies who were buried next to Mary Grace.

It's hard to believe that it's only been two months. It actually feels like much, much longer than that.

Dear Mary Grace,

I miss you sweet baby. I miss you every day and even though my heart is healing, I will always love you, want you, and miss you.
You are in a unique position now, to be able to pray for those of us who are still down here on earth, by going right to the throne of God in heaven.
Mary Grace, please pray for our friends and family, especially those who are ill or suffering. Please pray that we have peace in our lives and in our homes; that we will open our hearts to the Lord to receive that peace. Pray for all families who have lost a baby, that their hearts might be healed.

Please thank God for the gift He gave us in you.
We will always love you.



Meredith said...

I have been so anxious to get home from the beach so i could catch up on your post, and wow, this one really got to me! The picture is breathtaking and priceless-thank you for sharing. Thinking of other families losing their babies made me so sad and then of course reading your letter to your precious baby made me sob! And you're right, God gave your family such a gift in Mary Grace...in more ways than one. I still want to come running and read your posts b/c they always have something in them that encourages me in my faith. So, like 100x before, Thank YOU for being YOU and loving and trusting and serving our Lord who graciously continues to carry you thru each new day!
This morning in my devotion, I felt the Lord putting you on my heart as you have definitely suffered. I feel as though I'm to share it with you today!
"Suffering for Others" I now rejoice in my sufferings for you, and fill up in my flesh what is lacking in the afflictions of Christ, for the sake of His body, which is the church-Col. 1:24
"Ministry is costly. When the heavenly Father wanted to save His creation from sin, He could find no other way except the sacrifice of His Son (Rom. 5:8). Scripture gives a stark picture of the price our Savior paid to obtain our salvation: "He is despised and rejected by men,/ A Man of sorrows and acquainted with grief" (Is. 53:3). If Christ is your model for ministry, you cannot avoid going to the cross for the sake of others. Salvation comes with a great price, and if we are going to "take up our cross" and follow Jesus, then we must be prepared to go with Him to the place of suffering if that's what it takes to bring salvation to those around us. If our goal is to bring others to Christ we must be willing, as He was, to risk rejection. People may disappoint us, misunderstand our motives, even despise and persecute us. Our Savior did not let suffering prevent Him from being used by God to bring salvation to those He loved. Love for His Father provided all the motivation that was necessary. Are you presntly experienceing hardship b/c of the ministry to which God has called you? Have you begun to wonder if the price you are paying is too great? Take a moment to reflect on the price God was willing to pay in order to bring salvation to you. Are you glad He was willing to do what was necessary? WIll you not join Him in whatever is necessary to bring salvation to those around you?"

I cant exactly go thru and tell you each and every part that made me think about you, but you my friend, have endured the kind of sacrifice just as our Father did. And you also continue to prove that you have enough LOVE for the Father to provide all the motivation that's necessary to be such an example for others. You have suffered for others and you continue to be such a light to so many who I know read this blog and find encouragement from you!

Dawn (kdsrdms on TWW) said...

Hi Angela, I'm from TWW. I've posted comments on your blog before but wanted to let you know I still read and I still pray and I still am humbled by your unshakable faith.