Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Two months since we said, "Goodbye".
Today marks two months since I delivered Mary Grace.
We went out to her grave this morning and there are now two babies buried next to her. The first is Connor W. His grave had a temporary marker, courtesy of the cemetery. I wasn't sure what that meant. Maybe that his parents are ordering a marker that will take a longer time to come in than did Mary Grace's. And another baby had been buried; there was no marker for that grave yet, but fresh white roses had been placed in a plastic vase...11 roses in that vase and one had been placed in Connor's vase. It was really sweet. And sad. Sad that our babies have died. Sad that we have to bring flowers to their graves in their memory instead of receiving flowers in celebration of their birth.
And yet, that's exactly what I did...brought out new (fake) summery pink and purple flowers to place at her headstone. They are pretty for fake flowers. Rob cleaned off the clay and dirt buildup from the marker, and Isabel picked grass to feed to Mary Grace's sheep. And then we all sat on the grass (because they have now removed the bench) and stared at her grave.
It was very peaceful. The sun enveloped us in it's warmth and a gentle breeze blew just enough so that it wasn't too hot. I told Robert that I could fall asleep right there if it wasn't just completely taboo to do so.
After awhile though I felt weak and queasy. I'm not sure if it was the sun or just being at the grave or what, but we left. Maybe it was thinking about it only being two months since we said, "Goodbye" to our little baby. Maybe it was from wondering what happened to the two other little babies who were buried next to Mary Grace.
It's hard to believe that it's only been two months. It actually feels like much, much longer than that.
Dear Mary Grace,
I miss you sweet baby. I miss you every day and even though my heart is healing, I will always love you, want you, and miss you.
You are in a unique position now, to be able to pray for those of us who are still down here on earth, by going right to the throne of God in heaven.
Mary Grace, please pray for our friends and family, especially those who are ill or suffering. Please pray that we have peace in our lives and in our homes; that we will open our hearts to the Lord to receive that peace. Pray for all families who have lost a baby, that their hearts might be healed.
Please thank God for the gift He gave us in you.
We will always love you.