Today I was cleaning out my email folder. It's a mess. I was sifting through each email, deleting or filing them when I came across a "Mary Grace email" that I hadn't filed yet (I have a "Mary Grace Folder" specifically for emails about her). It was from a dear friend and we received it on Friday, February 27th, as I was laboring in the hospital. The following is a paragraph from that email:
Yesterday I called my mother and father to share with them what had taken place. My mother called me back later last night and shared with me another dream she had the night before. Before going to sleep she prayed, as she has each night, that Jesus would either make Mary Grace whole, so she could survive the delivery or if it was the Father’s Will, He’d take her to be with Him. In her dream angels escorted Mary Grace up to Jesus. It was again revealed to my mother that with the world in the state it is in, Jesus wanted Mary Grace’s company during His Passion this year.
This dream took place the night of Ash Wednesday...Ash Wednesday was the day I heard Mary Grace's faltering heartbeat for the last time. Thursday morning she was gone, and Friday is when we received this email.
Is it any coincidence that I would stumble across this email again during Holy Week? As we are about to enter into our Lord's Passion? It is comforting to think about Jesus wanting Mary Grace's company as we remember His Passion. And yet doesn't He want the company of everyone particularly during this week? I have been so lost in my grief this week that I have given little (some, but little) thought to anyone (including God) other than myself. The sadness has really had a hold over me in a new way this week.
Am I proud of that?
Shouldn't I be drawing closer to God as Lent draws to an end and we gather to celebrate Christ's victory over death on Easter Sunday?
And I believe the Holy Spirit is allowing me to see and acknowledge my behavior this week and urging me to correct it. Lord help me to be there for You tomorrow, Good Friday, the day of your death...your disciples fell asleep in the garden as you prayed, but Lord wake me from my sorrowful "sleep" and let me keep watch and pray with You.
Tomorrow at 3pm (the great hour of mercy) please implore Jesus' mercy for the unborn of the world: for an end to abortion and in particular for mothers who are choosing whether to continue to carry a baby with a fatal diagnosis (like Mary Grace) that they would choose to carry their baby until their baby's natural death rather than terminating the pregnancy. That will be my special prayer request and I ask you to join me. I'm sure Mary Grace will be praying for the same in heaven.