Today I looked down at Ian, (who was attempting to crawl underneath our dining room table to all the sharp corners for the umpteenth time)....and as I scooped him up, I thought to myself....he's really here.
This precious little guy who we had waited for....for soooo long, he's really here in front of me. It's hard sometimes to grasp, even as I'm cleaning up baby spit, having my hair pulled, pulling him out from under the dining room table for the umpteenth time, and washing diapers...he's really here.
I am so blessed.
Yesterday, one of Rob's co-workers asked for the poem we had printed on Mary Grace's funeral cards. I knew the only place to find it was in The Box. I knew I had to go in there to get it....it was important. The co-worker's next door neighbor had just lost her baby at 39 1/2 weeks.
Oh it makes my heart ache for her. I just can't imagine the pain of being that close to having a baby in her arms, and then...
And yet, I'm familiar with the pain of losing a baby.
Please send up a prayer for her family, if you have a chance.
I hope this poem brings her some comfort.
"Precious Little One"
I'm just a precious little one who didn't make it there.
I went straight to be with Jesus,
but I'm waiting for you here.
Many dwelling here where I live waited years to enter in.
Struggled through a world of sorrow,
a world marred with pain and sin.
Thank you for the life you gave me,
it was brief but don't complain.
I have all Heaven's Glory,
suffered none of earth's great pain.
Thank you for the name you gave me.
I'd have loved to bring it fame.
But if I'd lingered in earth's shadows,
I would have suffered just the same.
So sweet family - don't you sorrow.
Wipe those tears and chase the gloom.
I went straight to Jesus' arms
from my loving Mother's womb.-Author Unknown
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Ian's 6 month check-up...about as I expected.
The poor baby has dropped from 75th% at birth to 5th%..... pretty much as I expected. He weighed in at a whopping (haha) 14 pounds 7 ounces. His length is about 40th% and head circumference is still up there too, so the pediatrician was not "overly concerned", but she was concerned enough to agree that we needed to ramp up his calories.
So now, he gets high calorie breastmilk! That is 3 oz of breastmilk mixed with 1 teaspoon of powdered formula. Or if I need to do 100% formula at a feeding, then he gets 5 oz of water with 3 scoops of powdered formula...that gives him 24 calories/ounce versus the average 20 calories/ounce of regular formula or breastmilk. It didn't sound like that much to me, going from 20 calories/ounce to 24/ounce until Rob reminded me that that was a 20% increase in calories per ounce, so yeah, I guess he's right ;)
Now I never knew you could combine breastmilk and formula powder! Somewhere I had read that you should swirl, not shake breastmilk as it breaks down something in the breastmilk. Well, it's kind of difficult to "swirl in" the formula powder.......ahhh....the challenges around here never cease! ;)
The pediatrician said that since Isabel went through the same thing, and went through pretty much every test imaginable and we have found nothing "wrong", then it is likely just genetic...hereditary.
Yep, just like I gain 50-70lbs each pregnancy, I also grow tiny children.
Yes, I realize that gaining that much weight during pregnancy is not hereditary! Wish I could claim that one!
In all seriousness though, I've really had a hard time entrusting this baby to God in the area of weight gain. In fact, I would say that I haven't done it. I've been trying to fight this "get my baby to gain weight" battle all on my own, possibly even against God, and let me tell you, it's not been working. Sometimes it's hard to remember that I can choose to turn each and every moment over to Him.
When I'm tired.
When I'm making the umpteenth bottle of extra calories.
When the dishes are piling up.
When Isabel doesn't want to focus on her school work.
When the cloth diapers need to be washed, again.
When Ian crawls to the same hard cornered "foot" of the dining room table over and over, and I have to pull him back so that he doesn't bump.
When I get that unexpected bill in the mail.
When the man in the faith formation car pool line yells at me because he thinks I'm not following carpool line directions....
I should have given it all to Him.
Every moment is a choice.
God help me, in every moment, to remember to choose You.
So now, he gets high calorie breastmilk! That is 3 oz of breastmilk mixed with 1 teaspoon of powdered formula. Or if I need to do 100% formula at a feeding, then he gets 5 oz of water with 3 scoops of powdered formula...that gives him 24 calories/ounce versus the average 20 calories/ounce of regular formula or breastmilk. It didn't sound like that much to me, going from 20 calories/ounce to 24/ounce until Rob reminded me that that was a 20% increase in calories per ounce, so yeah, I guess he's right ;)
Now I never knew you could combine breastmilk and formula powder! Somewhere I had read that you should swirl, not shake breastmilk as it breaks down something in the breastmilk. Well, it's kind of difficult to "swirl in" the formula powder.......ahhh....the challenges around here never cease! ;)
The pediatrician said that since Isabel went through the same thing, and went through pretty much every test imaginable and we have found nothing "wrong", then it is likely just genetic...hereditary.
Yep, just like I gain 50-70lbs each pregnancy, I also grow tiny children.
Yes, I realize that gaining that much weight during pregnancy is not hereditary! Wish I could claim that one!
In all seriousness though, I've really had a hard time entrusting this baby to God in the area of weight gain. In fact, I would say that I haven't done it. I've been trying to fight this "get my baby to gain weight" battle all on my own, possibly even against God, and let me tell you, it's not been working. Sometimes it's hard to remember that I can choose to turn each and every moment over to Him.
When I'm tired.
When I'm making the umpteenth bottle of extra calories.
When the dishes are piling up.
When Isabel doesn't want to focus on her school work.
When the cloth diapers need to be washed, again.
When Ian crawls to the same hard cornered "foot" of the dining room table over and over, and I have to pull him back so that he doesn't bump.
When I get that unexpected bill in the mail.
When the man in the faith formation car pool line yells at me because he thinks I'm not following carpool line directions....
I should have given it all to Him.
Every moment is a choice.
God help me, in every moment, to remember to choose You.
Sunday, October 9, 2011
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
6 months of Ian
Today Ian turned 6 months old! I absolutely cannot believe he has already been here for 6 months, and yet it is hard to figure out how we got along without him before he arrived.
Ian continues to be a charmer. His easy smile and happy baby laughs are enough to make me want 10 more! Okay, well...that probably won't be likely (so don't worry, Mom!).
At 6 months Ian has 4 teeth (well, the top 2 have broken through, but are not all the way down yet). He is inchworming everywhere...
"Inchworming??", you ask??
Just watch below:
He's alot faster now....that was a couple weeks ago.
Now he thinks he should start pulling up on things....
at 6 months.
So far he pulls up just so that he's holding on to something and he's on his knees....he is not actually pulling to a standing position or anything....
pretty good for a 6 month old, huh?
And I finally, yes, finally....
at 6 months....
transitioned him into his own crib....that is, not mine and Robert's bed....that is, not the co-sleeper that was attached to our bed...that is, his own crib in his own bedroom all the way across the playroom. But he's doing quite well in there! I'm the one who is having baby withdrawals! People used to ask me (all the time) if Ian was sleeping through the night and before I had a hard time answering, because he was in the bed with me...so he never fully woke up, but if he started rooting around in the bed, I'd nurse him and he was back to sleep in an instant. However, now, I can answer, definitely NOT sleeping through the night. Here is our routine.
He goes to sleep around 8-9pm in the pack 'n play downstairs (because we are downstairs in the evening watching tv).
I fall asleep on the couch and then go to bed by 11pm.
Rob stays up (he's a night owl) and brings Ian up to the crib between 12am-1am (at which time Ian usually wakes up and nurses).
Then he usually wakes up at 4am and nurses, then back to sleep until about 7:30am.
Sometimes there is one extra "wake up" in there.
The only issue at 6 months that we are having is that 2 weeks ago, Ian weighed 14lbs on our home scale. At his 4 month well-visit he was 13lbs 9.5oz. So he had only gained about a half pound (not even!) over a month and a half. I was very concerned....actually I've been concerned since his 4 month check-up, because he had already started sliding down the growth chart. So about a week ago I started him on formula. I try to get about 10-12oz of formula in him a day and the rest is breastmilk...of course I'm not really pumping all that breastmilk, he is just nursing, so I'm not totally sure how many more ounces he is getting a day. I was thinking that maybe my milk is just water...well, mostly water.
Is it possible for some breastmilk to just be lowfat??? Maybe he is not getting enough hindmilk....maybe my hindmilk is really 1% instead of whole milk??? I don't know. All I know is that the formula seems to be helping because on October 3, I weighed him at 14.8lbs on my home scale and then October 4th, he was 15 even (but wearing his diaper and onesie)...so still .8 lbs in a week is pretty good in my opinion. We go to the pediatrician for his 6 month well visit on Monday, so I'm sure she'll have alot to say.
This is very much a repeat of Isabel...as far as falling off the growth charts. The only thing I have going for me in Ian's case is that his poor sister went through every test imaginable and they were never able to find anything "wrong". But when both kids start falling off the charts around 4 months, it does make me wonder about my milk.
Now I do have to say that I feel pretty rotten about the milk thing....it makes me feel pretty inadequate to think that my milk is not supplying enough calories to keep my kids growing! I'm eating plenty (just ask Rob :) ) and I'm drinking water...so I don't know what else could be eating up the calories unless I'm pregnant! (Don't worry Mom, that was another joke!)
In that department, I still haven't seen my period. I had gotten it around 5 months PP with Isabel and I was even exclusively, on-demand breastfeeding with her!
Anyway, I'll leave you with a cute pic of my three sweeties! It's almost a family pic, except someone had to take the picture :) Baby doesn't sit still for the camera timer.
Happy 6 months, Ian!
And as a completely random aside, does anyone know what I could do with winter squash???
Ian continues to be a charmer. His easy smile and happy baby laughs are enough to make me want 10 more! Okay, well...that probably won't be likely (so don't worry, Mom!).
At 6 months Ian has 4 teeth (well, the top 2 have broken through, but are not all the way down yet). He is inchworming everywhere...
"Inchworming??", you ask??
Just watch below:
He's alot faster now....that was a couple weeks ago.
Now he thinks he should start pulling up on things....
at 6 months.
So far he pulls up just so that he's holding on to something and he's on his knees....he is not actually pulling to a standing position or anything....
pretty good for a 6 month old, huh?
And I finally, yes, finally....
at 6 months....
transitioned him into his own crib....that is, not mine and Robert's bed....that is, not the co-sleeper that was attached to our bed...that is, his own crib in his own bedroom all the way across the playroom. But he's doing quite well in there! I'm the one who is having baby withdrawals! People used to ask me (all the time) if Ian was sleeping through the night and before I had a hard time answering, because he was in the bed with me...so he never fully woke up, but if he started rooting around in the bed, I'd nurse him and he was back to sleep in an instant. However, now, I can answer, definitely NOT sleeping through the night. Here is our routine.
He goes to sleep around 8-9pm in the pack 'n play downstairs (because we are downstairs in the evening watching tv).
I fall asleep on the couch and then go to bed by 11pm.
Rob stays up (he's a night owl) and brings Ian up to the crib between 12am-1am (at which time Ian usually wakes up and nurses).
Then he usually wakes up at 4am and nurses, then back to sleep until about 7:30am.
Sometimes there is one extra "wake up" in there.
The only issue at 6 months that we are having is that 2 weeks ago, Ian weighed 14lbs on our home scale. At his 4 month well-visit he was 13lbs 9.5oz. So he had only gained about a half pound (not even!) over a month and a half. I was very concerned....actually I've been concerned since his 4 month check-up, because he had already started sliding down the growth chart. So about a week ago I started him on formula. I try to get about 10-12oz of formula in him a day and the rest is breastmilk...of course I'm not really pumping all that breastmilk, he is just nursing, so I'm not totally sure how many more ounces he is getting a day. I was thinking that maybe my milk is just water...well, mostly water.
Is it possible for some breastmilk to just be lowfat??? Maybe he is not getting enough hindmilk....maybe my hindmilk is really 1% instead of whole milk??? I don't know. All I know is that the formula seems to be helping because on October 3, I weighed him at 14.8lbs on my home scale and then October 4th, he was 15 even (but wearing his diaper and onesie)...so still .8 lbs in a week is pretty good in my opinion. We go to the pediatrician for his 6 month well visit on Monday, so I'm sure she'll have alot to say.
This is very much a repeat of Isabel...as far as falling off the growth charts. The only thing I have going for me in Ian's case is that his poor sister went through every test imaginable and they were never able to find anything "wrong". But when both kids start falling off the charts around 4 months, it does make me wonder about my milk.
Now I do have to say that I feel pretty rotten about the milk thing....it makes me feel pretty inadequate to think that my milk is not supplying enough calories to keep my kids growing! I'm eating plenty (just ask Rob :) ) and I'm drinking water...so I don't know what else could be eating up the calories unless I'm pregnant! (Don't worry Mom, that was another joke!)
In that department, I still haven't seen my period. I had gotten it around 5 months PP with Isabel and I was even exclusively, on-demand breastfeeding with her!
Anyway, I'll leave you with a cute pic of my three sweeties! It's almost a family pic, except someone had to take the picture :) Baby doesn't sit still for the camera timer.
Happy 6 months, Ian!
And as a completely random aside, does anyone know what I could do with winter squash???
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Convicted at church.
Thus says the LORD:
You say, "The LORD's way is not fair!"
Hear now, house of Israel:
Is it my way that is unfair, or rather, are not your ways unfair?
When someone virtuous turns away from virtue to commit iniquity, and dies,
it is because of the iniquity he committed that he must die.
But if he turns from the wickedness he has committed,
he does what is right and just,
he shall preserve his life;
since he has turned away from all the sins that he has committed,
he shall surely live, he shall not die. Ezekiel 18:25-28
This was the first reading at Mass today. And it really began to convict me. It got me thinking about how a person's heart can truly be turned to God at even the very last moment of his life. If the person will just turn away from sin. It's hard to understand sometimes, that turning away from money, comfort, and control of your life can actually preserve your life.
Heaven seems so far off, sometimes.
God seems so distant sometimes.
And yet both thing could be brought before you in the blink of an eye.
I was convicted later in Mass during the gospel reading (Matthew 21:28-32), where again the point of conversion was stressed...it was the story of the man with 2 sons, one of whom said that he would not go work in the vineyard (after being asked by his father), but later changed his mind.
Something changed in his heart, which allowed him to obey his father.
And it changed after he had initially rejected making the right choice.
And so it can be with those we love....or maybe even with our own self!
I have been rejecting an opportunity to forgive. I received some devotional emails on the topic of forgiveness and have been avoiding them for about a week and a half now. It's too hard. It's too much to read. I thought I already forgave...but why do I still have all these angry feelings??
I know what is the right thing to do. I've been telling the Lord, "it isn't fair", just like in the first reading. And maybe some things are more difficult to forgive when you are living them. It's not always a past hurt, but sometimes it is in the present....I guess forgiveness can be in the present too. Maybe some people have to pray for the strength to forgive on a daily basis...
Good thing God is near.
You say, "The LORD's way is not fair!"
Hear now, house of Israel:
Is it my way that is unfair, or rather, are not your ways unfair?
When someone virtuous turns away from virtue to commit iniquity, and dies,
it is because of the iniquity he committed that he must die.
But if he turns from the wickedness he has committed,
he does what is right and just,
he shall preserve his life;
since he has turned away from all the sins that he has committed,
he shall surely live, he shall not die. Ezekiel 18:25-28
This was the first reading at Mass today. And it really began to convict me. It got me thinking about how a person's heart can truly be turned to God at even the very last moment of his life. If the person will just turn away from sin. It's hard to understand sometimes, that turning away from money, comfort, and control of your life can actually preserve your life.
Heaven seems so far off, sometimes.
God seems so distant sometimes.
And yet both thing could be brought before you in the blink of an eye.
I was convicted later in Mass during the gospel reading (Matthew 21:28-32), where again the point of conversion was stressed...it was the story of the man with 2 sons, one of whom said that he would not go work in the vineyard (after being asked by his father), but later changed his mind.
Something changed in his heart, which allowed him to obey his father.
And it changed after he had initially rejected making the right choice.
And so it can be with those we love....or maybe even with our own self!
I have been rejecting an opportunity to forgive. I received some devotional emails on the topic of forgiveness and have been avoiding them for about a week and a half now. It's too hard. It's too much to read. I thought I already forgave...but why do I still have all these angry feelings??
I know what is the right thing to do. I've been telling the Lord, "it isn't fair", just like in the first reading. And maybe some things are more difficult to forgive when you are living them. It's not always a past hurt, but sometimes it is in the present....I guess forgiveness can be in the present too. Maybe some people have to pray for the strength to forgive on a daily basis...
Good thing God is near.
Thursday, September 15, 2011
I'm back and thankful.
Wow....my last post was August 5th, and here we are at September 15th! Bad blogger!
I've looked at this website many times over the last month and have almost started writing a post, then stopped.
I've got what I can call nothing other than a spiritual war going on inside and around me. Maybe someone out there can relate, but I've just noticed, and have been a part of Satan really trying to attack, tear down and destroy whatever he can of "the family unit"....I've experienced it in my own family, and I've seen it around me.
And I've had a hard time with it. I haven't known how to write about it. I've had lots of anger over it. I've been struggling with FORGIVENESS, RELEASING situations to God, CHOOSING to LOVE,....and frankly I feel like I've been thrown into a world that I did not know could exist. A world that I would have never believed God would ever have brought my way, and a world around which the "potholes" so-to-speak, are difficult to navigate.
This sounds really depressing, and it is! But there are things that I am learning too....
The most amazing, is that for the whole time that Rob and I struggled with losing babies and with trying to get pregnant again, I wondered why all of this was God's plan. How could it be that He didn't want me to have any of those babies.....the answer many people gave: "All in God's time", "God's timing is perfect", "Wait on the Lord". And I believed all of those statements....I just didn't understand.
But in the situation that I am experiencing now, God is letting me in on His plan...just a little bit.
While I can't speak on the situation here on this blog, I can say, that God gave me Ian, for this time. At Adoration one day, that thought came to me. God wanted me to understand this.
Not only is he a little miracle because we waited so long, and waited through such heartache for him, but he is a miracle who's purpose is to bring a special joy and love, and a reminder of God's EVER-PRESENT LOVE to me and my family during this time in our life.
This baby is so easy to smile.... he will laugh practically on command.... he is oh-so ticklish!!
And those baby giggles and smiles are holding me together.
Oh God is so good. He knew what I would need before I even knew that I would need it.
He saw a situation from afar, and refined me through fire, and molds and remolds me as I continue my journey.
God, my husband, and my children. He knew what I would need!
And I am so very thankful I have all of them in my life.
I've looked at this website many times over the last month and have almost started writing a post, then stopped.
I've got what I can call nothing other than a spiritual war going on inside and around me. Maybe someone out there can relate, but I've just noticed, and have been a part of Satan really trying to attack, tear down and destroy whatever he can of "the family unit"....I've experienced it in my own family, and I've seen it around me.
And I've had a hard time with it. I haven't known how to write about it. I've had lots of anger over it. I've been struggling with FORGIVENESS, RELEASING situations to God, CHOOSING to LOVE,....and frankly I feel like I've been thrown into a world that I did not know could exist. A world that I would have never believed God would ever have brought my way, and a world around which the "potholes" so-to-speak, are difficult to navigate.
This sounds really depressing, and it is! But there are things that I am learning too....
The most amazing, is that for the whole time that Rob and I struggled with losing babies and with trying to get pregnant again, I wondered why all of this was God's plan. How could it be that He didn't want me to have any of those babies.....the answer many people gave: "All in God's time", "God's timing is perfect", "Wait on the Lord". And I believed all of those statements....I just didn't understand.
But in the situation that I am experiencing now, God is letting me in on His plan...just a little bit.
While I can't speak on the situation here on this blog, I can say, that God gave me Ian, for this time. At Adoration one day, that thought came to me. God wanted me to understand this.
Not only is he a little miracle because we waited so long, and waited through such heartache for him, but he is a miracle who's purpose is to bring a special joy and love, and a reminder of God's EVER-PRESENT LOVE to me and my family during this time in our life.
This baby is so easy to smile.... he will laugh practically on command.... he is oh-so ticklish!!
And those baby giggles and smiles are holding me together.
Oh God is so good. He knew what I would need before I even knew that I would need it.
He saw a situation from afar, and refined me through fire, and molds and remolds me as I continue my journey.
God, my husband, and my children. He knew what I would need!
And I am so very thankful I have all of them in my life.
Friday, August 5, 2011
What I've been up to this week...
Diaper laundry....although not sure I should have hung them to dry, because now I have leak issues. :(
Bathtime art. Isabel's bathtime art, that is.
Don't know what it is??
The Crucifixion and Resurrection, of course! I didn't prompt her either...she drew it all on her own.
Ian contemplating life from his stroller with Isabel and Rob building in the background.
We went to the NC Museum of Life and Science on Monday with out-of-town family!
Lots of fun!
Iz and I using geometric pattern blocks!
We have these at home, but for some reason they are sooooo much cooler at the museum, right?
Fresh "right bite" tomatoes :) Yum!
Outdoor play with colored water in old plastic bottles...doesn't get more frugal than this! ;)
I found the idea at one of my favorite blogs: Frugal Family Fun Blog
And what is this last picture?? Oh, that's how I said the rosary on Wednesday.
I had to use baby toys instead of rosary beads to keep track of my Hail Marys.
Hey, stay at home moms have to improvise sometimes! ;)
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