Tuesday, February 18, 2014

The Third Gift of Prayer: taking the baby home.

As soon as I had been admitted to the hospital I had a gut feeling that things were not going to end well in this pregnancy.  And I began to have thoughts regarding what we would do with the baby's remains if the worst should in fact happen.

For some reason I could not bring myself to ask the doctors about taking the baby's body home, even though I was given multiple opportunities.  A doctor would come in to brief me on my condition and always asked, "Do you have any questions about anything?".  I guess I thought it was such a bizarre request- wanting to take home a tiny 3-4 inch baby.  I could barely even fathom discussing it with my own husband for fear he would think me super weird.

But while I was in the hospital I happened to read this blog post at All You Who Hope.   It had been posted over 2 weeks before this time, but God led me to read it in His time and in this place.   And then I understood that taking my baby's remains was exactly what I needed to do.  So I gingerly approached Rob and he was in complete agreement (I honestly don't know why I had been so hesitant to approach him before)- and then I got up the nerve to ask a doctor if this would be possible.  They assured me it could be done and that they would work through the paperwork and legalities to make it happen.  Along the way however, it became apparent that there was a newer hospital policy that had been put into place that remains could not leave the hospital with a patient but must go through a funeral home.  The doctors and nurses frankly told me they disagreed with this policy and they even tried to find some loophole, but in the end, there was none and the rules were the rules.

So we began to look for a funeral home that would be able to pick up the remains from the hospital and bring them to the funeral home and then release the remains to us.  The "big" funeral homes were not able to meet this request due to more red tape.

By the time we learned this, I had been released from the hospital after leaving Francis Marie's body in the care of my nurse who assumed personal responsibility for it.  This nurse's name was Kim and I am so grateful for her compassion and willingness to look after the body to make sure it got to where it needed to go.

At this point we called our pastor who was very gracious to make a call for us and found a funeral home that would help us.

This was the third gift.  After getting the doctors to agree to an induction, after delivering at the critical moment before a D&C would have taken place, and then being able to bring the remains of the baby home- these are all gifts the Lord has given us.

Doors that He opened at just the right moment so that it was neither too soon, nor too late for the gift to be given, but the perfect moment for the gift to be received. 

Isabel made a Valentine to be buried with Francis Marie.  It is both beautiful and heartbreaking.


It reads:
Little Baby up in Heven
Pray for our family since you had to die to save mom
So plese pray for our family
And plese tell Lord Jesus Christe to send blessings to help our family
not to be sad
Happy Valintines Day
So sweet, so sad, yet such a gift.


Joy Beyond the Cross said...

I am so glad you are able to bury your precious Francis Marie. This act of burying our last 2 miscarriages brought some measure of peace and healing to us at least as we have a place to visit them and that commemorates their short lives.

Yes, it truly was an answer to prayer for your family and dear Isabel's letter is so precious. What a beautiful soul at such a young age.

I will continue to pray for your family.

Lena said...

What a sweet Valentine, and I think Jesus must be taking tender care of all your children.

Billie Jo said...

Praying for you and your sweet family...

Karey said...

Oh, wow. I am so, so glad my post could help you in some small way. I'm honored that God used it for you. And I could barely read Isabel's sweet Valentine through my tears. I remember my daughter's little drawing we buried with our baby. Your daughter's words are so beautiful and so heart-wrenching. God bless you all!

Hillary said...

Oh my goodness gracious. Now I'm just crying buckets of tears. That is the most beautiful letter that I've ever read. What a sweet heart your daughter has!We were so fortunate that when our daughter passed at 21 weeks we were able to be directed to a kind funeral home that does children's cremations for free. We had the option of bringing her home with us but chose a bit more formal approach so we cold hold a church service with her urn. I'm so happy that despite the worst circumstance happening to your family your wishes as to how they might progress came to fruition.

Lots of love to you and your family


Meredith said...

Isabel is precious...and her story of her lost siblings will go on to further The Lord's Kingdom. Just precious...

Beth (A Mom's Life) said...

Continuing to pray for you and your family. I am so glad God blessed you throughout this whole process. Peace be with you.

K said...

How sad and how beautiful. Continuing our prayers....

Anonymous said...

That your child should be treated as a child whose life ended, and that you and your husband should be treated as grieving parents is a wonderful lesson for the doctors, nurses, and the hospital staff. Maintaining the dignity and humanity of your child is a wonderful thing I doubt they will soon forget. I am sure they were all ennobled by it. I also am glad you turned to your pastor, who I'm sure was more than glad to help. God's faithfulness is apparent in your story - our True Friend who never leaves our side, despite our most difficult and darkest moments.
God bless all your family. ~ Bonnie