Well physically I am doing great. The first day or two after being released from the hospital I felt pretty terrible: exhausted, still shaky, racing heart, etc. But every day for the next week, I felt my strength coming back and was feeling better and better (probably thanks to the iron pills!). The 2nd week I started feeling tired again, but after my thyroid levels came back at a normal level I started to feel much better (maybe it was psychological?).
My HCG levels have been falling quickly!
Upon admission to the hospital HCG was 650,000+
Upon discharge HCG was 150,000+
10 days later HCG = 1,351
1 week after that HCG = 317
*edited to add* 1 week after that HCG = 135
1 week after that HCG = 70
1 week after that HCG = 42
1 week after that HCG = 27
1 week after that HCG = 19
I have to continue to have my HCG checked weekly until it has reached a negative level (depends on the doctor, this can be <5 3="" a="" and="" at="" check="" checks="" consecutive="" continue="" for="" has="" it="" level="" monthly.="" nbsp="" negative="" or="" p="" then="" they="" to="" weekly="" will="">
Tomorrow is already 3 weeks since losing the baby. And the day after tomorrow is our 5 year anniversary of losing Mary Grace. It's just so surreal. I would have never thought after losing 4 babies back to back and then having 2 more healthy children that we would have lost another. Of course it makes me think what the future might bring. I'm not getting any younger, but I do turn 34 this year and then of course the next year I become....duh duh duh....."of advanced maternal age". Normally that wouldn't really phase me except that I kind of tend to already have complicated pregnancies.
Emotionally, this loss has been very different for me. This time I just haven't really been releasing many emotions until they just can no longer be contained and I explode. After the explosion with Ian which I wrote about last time, I went to confession and really made a resolution to control myself better....or at least try to be conscious of the times when I am getting upset, so that I can decompress before it gets to a nuclear level! And for the most part I thought I had been doing a pretty good job. But Isabel has been expressing some concerns, so I need to do better. I see weekly confession in my future for awhile just to help me to stay on track! I need that sacramental grace!!!
Emotionally, so far it has also been easier to have a lot of pregnant women around me (aside for that first HCG check at my doctor's office). I have 5 good friends who are currently expecting babies this spring and summer!! And thankfully by God's grace He is really helping to spare me from feelings of jealousy that I have had in the past after a loss.
So we are doing pretty good overall. Spring and summer are obviously very busy for us with the garden, and that has already started to serve as a good distraction and even a way to heal. Yesterday Isabel and I started our indoor seeds of peppers (hot and sweet), onions, basil and tomatoes (4 different varieties). Those little seedlings are a fun project ...watching them sprout and grow, tending to them with water and light...setting them outside to harden them off to the elements when they get big enough.
Hmmm....kind of like raising a garden of children!