Four Years Since We Held You.

It's been four years since we held you, Mary Grace.  Four years since you were briefly with us, in the safety of my womb.  Four years since we held your fragile, tiny body in that delivery room.

It's hard to believe that so much time has passed. 

But it's amazing to think how God has provided for us in these four years.  He held us close the year you left us, and he led our hearts to love and peace, even through our deep grief. 

He gave us Ian.

He strengthened our marriage and our family life. 

He led us to a new home.

And in a few short weeks, we will welcome a new life into our family, God-willing. 

Today, it is much easier to trust in His plan for our family.  We know that He will carry us and provide for us, even when it seems to be a hopeless and unlikely situation.

There were many times in those first few months after we lost you, that I wished God would take me to be with you.  I felt like I needed to be there with you.  And four years later, I know that He has been able to take care of you there with Him much better than I ever could.  And I know that His plans for me are here, with my other little ones.  There are days when I long to hold you again, to know you, and to love you in more than just the interior way I can now.  Even in the darkest days, there is light around the corner, if we can just continue on, and place our full trust in Him.

Continue to rest in peace, little baby.  We love and miss you, and know we will see you again someday.

Consignment Sale Wins and Woes

Yesterday Isabel and I went to the Kid's Exchange Consignment Sale, which is the largest consignment sale in our area.  It was 1/2 price day...need I say more?  Well, I will.  I LOVE to get things for a bargain and it just makes good shopping sense!  I do not even attempt to go on the full price days, because as far as I'm concerned I can't want what I haven't seen...sort of an "out of sight, out of mind" type of concept for shopping.  The only problem with 1/2 price day is that the check-out line snakes around the building and you typically wait in that line for about an hour before you get to the part where they tally up your total and then move you on to the actual checkout to fork over your money. 

Yesterday, we stood in line for one hour and 45 minutes.  31 weeks pregnant, in my church shoes, waiting to check out in a line of people.  I just kept praying that I wouldn't faint...and luckily I didn't.  I always bring a stroller to these consignment sales so that I have something with which to lug around my pile of clothes.....and I had plenty of time to add up my purchases.  I counted over $100 just in clothing, and then I had 6 pairs of shoes and 3 push toy trucks....you really need to buy enough to make it worth the effort of searching through the clothing and making sure there are no rips, stains or other major faults, and of course that it is worth the long line.  I walked out spending $118 before tax and ended up with a total of 38 items.  That's like $3.10 per item and that included my 6 pairs of kid's shoes!!!  LOVE these sales.  I have to say that for me, these sales are sooooo worth it, even pregnant and tired.

At home I go through all my purchases and just bask in how much I got for so little ;)  And of course last night I had the kids try on their shoes.  We all got a little surprise when Ian tried on a pair of shoes that I had already earmarked for "church".

Ha!  The joke was on me when he put these shoes on!  Can you imagine him squeaking into church???  (Or anywhere in public for that matter).  Luckily there is a little insert in the side of the sole that pops out, removing the "problem".  No wonder they were such a good deal!

New House, New Body....Now we wait for Baby!

Since last we saw each other, things have been a-changin'!  December 31st we closed on the new house and it is just wonderful.  People ask, "so how is the new place?"...and the other day I told someone that I felt like I was living in a multi-million dollar house....and they just looked blankly at me, because our house is nowhere near that sort of price....not. even. close.  BUT being here, out in the country in this older home that is just slightly bigger than our previous house FEELS like a million bucks to me.  This is Isabel showing how I feel about our new home (although that is not our new home):

Our land has expanded by 23 times....that is just insane to me, and it feels like freedom!  Freedom to move around, not be on top of my neighbors, grow whatever the heck I want to in my giant garden (our garden plot is about the size of our old backyard), get some farm animals....what?  You need a permit for that???  Not out here in the country ;) 

We are being thrilled by the most basic and tiniest of things.....well water, having to haul in wood to burn in our wood-burning fireplace, figuring out the easiest way to haul our loaded trash can the 600 feet down the gravel driveway to the street, finding fresh deer tracks in our backyard, listening to the rooster across the street doing his afternoon cockadoodledoo, driving the tractor! 

There is so much to do here on our mini-mini farm (I call it mini-mini because I read that to qualify as a true "minifarm" you have to have a minimum of 10 acres.)  But there is always something to do here, and I think there will always be some sort of project....whether it is updating the rooms (right now we have painted 2 rooms and stripped wall paper out of two others, but every room in this house needs a new coat of paint), tending to lawn work, garden work, the chickens...

Chickens, you ask?  Oh yes, our 8 baby chicks arrive the last week of February...in fact, right now they are literally incubating!  We cannot wait to get them.  4 Speckled Sussex, 2 Rhode Island Reds and 2 Barred Rocks will be our first little flock.  Rob and Isabel have already been hard at work building the baby chick coop complete with heat lamp, heat shield and all things "baby chick".  I cannot wait to start organizing my lesson plans for school to tie in with the new chickens.  Our chicks are coming from Murray McMurray Hatchery . I ordered a book they recommended for kids:  Your Chickens:  A Kid's Guide to Raising and Showing by Gail Damerow.  It came in the mail yesterday and I figured if it is easy enough for kids then I should be able to figure out how to care for these things too ;) 

There is so much more I could say about the house, but basically I feel this overwhelming sense of blessing, thankfulness and peace about being here.  It just didn't seem like all of this could really happen, but sure enough we sold our house and bought a house out in the country with a little bit of land, just like we were hoping...and I think it is just where God wants us.

Now for the "New Body" part..... I feel really terrible because I didn't really take a belly pic until ummm....last week.  And it wasn't really even a belly pic, per se....It was just a picture of me and the kids and my belly happened to be included.  Oh let's hope this little baby doesn't ask for the 40 weeks of belly shots when he or she grows up!  Anyway, it is a complete difference having only gained 22 pounds so far with this pregnancy compared to my totals of 70 (Isabel) and 52 (Ian)....I'm actually on track to gain around the target weight?!?!  It's crazy, but I guess chasing around 2 kids is doing me some good, and having all that morning sickness in the beginning really delayed my appetite long enough to stave off some of the weight I normally gain early on.   So compare Christmas (I barely look pregnant in this picture!)...

to last week:

Little baby is growing right on track, and everything is going perfectly well other than my hemoglobin tested low at 28 weeks, so I had to start taking my iron supplement again (I had slacked off)...I was glad to know that was what had been causing my extreme fatigue.  I just can't believe that I am 31 weeks and we are about to pop out another little baby in just 9 weeks!  Now that we are in the house and things are getting settled, I did bring out boy and girl newborn clothes to start washing and preparing a little for the new arrival.  It just still seems surreal I guess.  Or maybe I am just more relaxed about everything after going through this twice already....I mean I need to have clothes, diapers, set up the co-sleeper and get some nursing blankets out and we are good to go, right? 

I'm sure we will be ready when the time comes ;)  I haven't gotten to the "I'm so ready to get this baby out" phase yet....still enjoying all the kicks and squirms although it is getting more cramped for space in there.  Emotionally, I'm not sure how ready I will be because I'm a bit concerned about how this little tyke (see innocent pic below) is going to react to a new baby in the house.

Ian is proving to be one of the most strong-willed, determined, stubborn, 100% all-boy-all-the-time boys that I've ever met!  His antics definitely deserve a blog post all their own, but for now this picture will have to suffice.  God has blessed him with all kinds of sneaky little sweet and loving moves, probably so that after all his mischief, he survives another day ;)  We like to say God made him cute for a reason!  Anyway, this little guy keeps me super busy and I do fear wonder what life will be like when this new baby comes home.  God doesn't give you more than you and He can't handle together, right??? 

7 Quick Takes: I need your help!

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1.  I don't think we are going to close on our new house before Christmas afterall...it will likely be just after.  This is disappointing, but I am just so thankful that there is a goal in sight, and I have already started organizing the few things we have here at my MIL's so that they can be easily packed and moved when it is time.  We are so excited about getting into our new place that we will definitely be moving things in the day of closing ;)

2.  Speaking of packing things up, there's no other way to say it other than my 6 year old is a hoarder.  She did not get this trait from me, as I seem to be some sort of organizational freak, so it is pretty difficult for me to walk into the room she and Ian are sharing and see her "piles" of "very important stuff".  Well, they must be very important to her because she does not want to seperate with any of her papers, drawings, magazines (think tattered American Girl Doll catalogs and National Wildlife Federation's Ranger Rick mag)... I wish I had taken a picture to show you, but this morning we worked on organizing, trashing and storing her "stash".  She did seem to take pride in the fact that afterwards, an actual full size desk was revealed from under her clutter treasures.  But seriously, I need some help with this.   Any suggestions for kids who just want to hang onto EVERYTHING?


3.  Ian had his 18 month well visit this past Monday at 20 months.  And *drum roll, please* he is in the 6th percentile!  Woohoo!  No, it's not a typo....6th, not 16th or 60th!  And yes, we are cheering!  If you remember any of my struggles with wee little Isabel (in the -3%) then this is a really big number for our tiny little kids :)  And he is holding his growth curve very well, so the doctor was absolutely fine with the way he is growing!  Praise God!  And after a one-night battle with what I believe was croup, 4 weeks of an on and off again cold, and pneumonia in our house, he got a clean bill of health- no ear infections and his lungs sounded great!  What a relief.  On top of that great news, I did not have to pay our usual $40 copay....somehow we had a credit on our account.  Great day!

                                             (Isabel when she was teeny-tiny -3%)

4.  I made jalapeno corn pudding the other day from this allrecipes recipe, and it was really, really good!  BUT, I adapted that recipe by adding jalapenos (from a jar), a small can of diced green chilies, 1/2 an onion, sharp cheddar cheese and diced ham, and I think it needed all of the above unless you really were looking for only the corn taste.  It turned out quite sweet tasting, probably from the can of creamed corn and that balanced out nicely with the spice of the jalapenos!

5.  Ian is obsessed with unloading the dishwasher.  Unfortunately, in Grandma's house, he can open and close her dishwasher all by himself, so you never know when you might walk into the kitchen to find him unloading the dirty dishes... :(  Gotta keep your eye on this kid!  But he is so cute when the dishes are clean and you ask if he would like to help!  He responds with an enthusiastic "YES!!!" and big eyes and a smile, you'd think he just won a trip to visit Thomas the Train or something.  He loves to hand over the silverware and will name each one as he picks it up, so hey, we are homeschooling him already ;)

 

 

6.  I am praying the Christmas Rose novena along with so many others and Joy Beyond The Cross.  My intentions during this novena are specifically for mothers who are trying to conceive and for a peace from God while they struggle with the rollercoaster of emotions while trying to have a child.  I remember that pain and the emotional journey of trying to add to our family all too well, so my heart is especially tender for these women.

 

 

7.  Finally, I need some suggestions as to what on earth I do with this space in our new house:

 



I am standing in the bonus room above the garage.  This will be our school room/playroom and one day include a guest bedroom...but I am really trying to figure out how to babyproof the deathtrap that is the stairwell.  So those are the stairs that go down a half flight and then turn left and go down another half flight.  There is the handrail that you see just on the right side...but the two little "catwalk?" areas on either side of the stairs are the issue.  I think I can run a baby gate from the wall closest to the banister all the way across the stairs and to the other wall.  So if you are upstairs and the gate is closed it will not be a problem.  But if a baby/toddler/kid whoever....is coming up the stairs, I need something that will stop them from wanting to climb the left hand side (as viewed from this picture...it would be right hand side if you are coming up the stairs).  Any suggestions?  So far, a bookshelf or floating shelves secured to that wall would be the only idea that we've got.  Need creative help!!

A Flurry of Activity.

...times three.  To begin, Advent is literally days away and I'm totally unprepared.  Between all of my Christmas gear and Advent activities for homeschooling and decorating being tucked away in an unreachable spot in one of our three storage units, and not being in a house that I can really decorate I'm feeling a little scattered. 

I am in desperate need of the Magnificat Advent Companion....hoping that I can make it over to the Catholic bookstore before they are all snatched up!  That little booklet is always such a blessing to me in this busy season.

I guess a big part of my preparation for Advent in years past has been focused on decorating and doing activities with the kids.  During Advent our homeschool lesson plans change from the Catholic Heritage Curriculum to a mix of educational and just plain fun activities and lessons which lead up to the birth of Jesus.  I change out activities on our school shelves and this year I just feel kind of lost without my own space to be able to do that.  I am trying to incorporate some Advent prep crafts and such the best that I can.  Today we did this activity that I found on Catholic Icing.  Making our frugal dollar store candles into Advent pink and purple ones...along with our dollar store wreath and fake flowers. 

(I have to say the first two candles were "smoother" than the last two purples, but overall painting with melted crayons worked quite well, and Isabel enjoyed the instant transformation as much as I did!)

Now while I'm a little disappointed that we are not in the new house to be able to do all of this right now, I am excited and thankful that we are just getting a new home for Christmas!  And that is the second part of my flurry of activity....I am spending wayyyy too much time on Pinterest and Craigslist searching for new finds/ideas/creations for the new home.  I'm torn because it's fun to think about decorating and preparing a new house, and yet I don't want to be totally occupied by this excitement during this special season when I'm supposed to be focusing on preparing my heart. 

And finally, there has been a flurry of activity in my belly lately!  This baby who has seemed fairly inactive to me, has suddenly increased his or her movement quite a bit, and I've been enjoying it!  Very thankful to be able to feel this little one move around more and more!

Anatomy Scan was.... *Updated with PIC*

a success!!  And by that I mean that first and foremost, the baby is growing right on track and looks completely healthy from all that they saw!  What a relief!  I have plenty of amniotic fluid, baby has all organs, a four chamber heart, a 3 vessel cord, my cervix has not begun to shorten, etc...everything just looks great! 

And the second success was that we stuck to our guns and did not find out the baby's gender!  I think our ultrasound tech was surprised.  I guess these days the majority of people do find out the gender; she seemed kind of amused by the suspense we were creating for ourselves ;)  I did press her a little bit and asked if she could tell for sure one way or the other what the gender was (really if the baby was giving her a clear shot) and she said that she definitely knew.  So that part was hard, knowing that she knew and the four of us (Rob, Isabel and Ian all joined me!) did not.  She made sure to write "patient did not wish to know the gender" in my chart so that the doctors and nurses would not slip up and say, "Oh, so it says here you are having a...."  I thought that was smart! ;)  I had dreamt a few days prior that somehow I was able to see the "parts" at the ultrasound and ruined the surprise for myself.

At this point I really think it's going to be a boy.  Of course we will just be happy with a healthy, live baby; part of me is hoping for a girl for Isabel, although a boy close in age to Ian would be great too...so really whoever comes out will be just who God intended for us :)

We're Under Contract!

FINALLY!  After selling our home back in July and living with relatives for the last 4+ months, we are under contract on THE home!  I don't know how many houses we have seen over the last year in this search for a home on unrestricted land, but God has finally opened up this house and we think it is just perfect. 

A well-built home that is big enough to grow our family, on nearly 4 acres of land out in the country....yet not so far away that it will feel like we are isolated from civilization! ;)  All well within our budget....God is so good!  And did I mention that we will have a tractor??  Oh, my husband and son (yes, Ian's latest thing is tractors!) are going to be in heaven!

I have to say that there were many moments when I wondered if God didn't just want us to live with our family, well.....forever.  And while it has been a blessing to save money while living with family, we are all ready to get into our own place.  Not to mention I was starting to get a bit antsy about not having a home in which to "nest"!  

Our closing will put us very near Christmas....so it will be a busy time of the year, not to mention a joyous reason to count our blessings! 

In the beginning of 2012, in this post, I wrote about having a hopefulness about the year.  I could never have guessed the plans God had in store for us......selling our home, getting pregnant with another little blessing, and finding a home that will allow us to be a little more self-sufficient and which is really a place we feel is going to be a great fit for our family!