Wednesday, March 30, 2011

39 weeks and everything's big!!!

On Tuesday I went for my "39 week checkup", except according to my OBGYN, I was 38 weeks and 6 days, and she would not do a membrane sweep since I was not 39 weeks.  I was a little perturbed....she laughed that I "probably wanted to smack her right now" and she couldn't have been more right!!!  So I guess God really didn't want me to have it done...because if I haven't gone into labor by my next appointment, what's another few days??

I argued that according to my dates, I was really 39+2 weeks, but she wouldn't hear it.  So we did a cervical check and the normal heartrate, blood pressure, weight check, etc. 

If she hadn't told me that I had made progress....(I am now 1.5cm, 70% effaced and baby has moved down a tad to -2 station)...then I would have lost it.  Despite the happy news that I am progressing down below, I was an emotional mess on Wednesday...crying over pretty much everything.

It seems pretty pathetic really.  I have mood swings that take me from "why can't I just have go into labor now? I'm going to be pregnant for-ev-er!!!!!!" to "Hey, it's not like I can be pregnant for more than another week and a half!  We are sooooo close!"   And I can't help it....it's just one moment I'm feeling optimistic and dare I say patient, and then the next I'm an impatient little mess of a child. 

My opinion on this is that first of all, most women around these last few weeks have a natural inclination to want to "be done" and meet their baby.  You're tired, achy, emotional and want the baby out.  It's hard to wait.

For those who have lost multiple pregnancies, I wonder if this time is even more difficult.  Finally, I am really, possibly on the verge of meeting a baby who we have waited for... for well, about 3 1/2 years!  We started losing babies when Isabel was 1 1/2 and now she is just about to turn 5!  It's mind-blowing.   And the last three weeks have been wrought with a renewed fear of "I'm so close....what if something goes wrong in these last few weeks?"  "What if something goes wrong, and we could have taken him out early...like at 37 or 38 or 39 weeks?"  I've been having to recommit myself to handing this over to God....in many small steps throughout each day.  But to say that it's not been extra-emotional would be a lie. 

Everything else from the appointment was great...except my weight gain!!  *blush*  I'm up to 53lbs gained so far!  Oh boy....and you can see it ;)

Still, why deny it???  It's just the way I grow babies I guess ;)

12 comments:

Nicole C said...

I'd never guess you've gained 53 lbs!! It's all in your tummy though - nothing else looks pregnant!!

kbaker said...

You look fabulous! It's almost over. I understand your fear though and often catch myself questioning if women who have never experienced loss get the same "anxiety" this late in pregnancy. I will be praying for you these next couple weeks!

Simone said...

Good luck!

Second Chances said...

Seriously, that weight is ALL baby! You look AMAZING!!! Can't wait to "meet" your little one. It's going to happen SOON!

Kelly Via said...

It's so frustrating to hear about mommas who gained 5, 10, or 15 pounds in their pregnancy. That is just NOT me. You may have gained 53 pounds, but you look great...I would have never guessed!! Plus, it comes off fast after baby is here!! It's almost time...your sweet baby is almost here!

Hebrews 11:1 said...

Who cares about the number...you look beautiful and healthy and your baby will be beautiful and healthy too!! :)

House of Collinsworth said...

I definitely know how you feel. I was so miserable and emotional and terrified those last few weeks. And everyone saying, "the baby will be here so soon!" STILL didn't make me feel any better. I wanted her here while I knew she was alive and kicking. All you can really do in these last weeks is try to keep yourself busy...and pray. I can't wait to see your sweet boy!!!

By the way...I gained 46 pounds during my pregnancy with Ella and in less than 2 weeks I've lost 26...so don't worry, it will come off fast. You look fantastic...so much better than I looked!!! I was too embarrassed to take any pics at the end I was so puffy.

Amie said...

Angela, you look FABULOUS. And I know the end is rough, and you're full of every emotion, but the end really is VERY near and soon you'll be holding your little baby boy and the world will be right. Love you! Can't wait to meet your new little one!

Meredith said...

come on sweet baby boy, i cant wait to find out your name!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (and of course hug your tiny, little, miraculous neck as I've been praying for your little life for years now!!)

My Chocolate Heart said...

You look fantastically beautiful! I'm so glad I stopped by to check on you. Seeing that big, amazing belly is pure joy! I'm so excited for you! I'll check back again soon to read all about this precious baby's birth. May God bless you and keep you, Angela.

Kathleen's Catholic said...

You look terrific. It's such a joy to see a mother in this wonderful state. And, yes, little steps, everyday. Funny, I was just writing about that today, taking small steps, like St. Therese, the Little Flower. :-) Soon, your little wonder will be in your arms!!

Chelsea Leis said...

Congratulations on your new baby! Don't worry - the baby weight will be gone before you know it. You look positively glowing. Stay happy and keep smiling!