39 weeks and everything's big!!!

On Tuesday I went for my "39 week checkup", except according to my OBGYN, I was 38 weeks and 6 days, and she would not do a membrane sweep since I was not 39 weeks.  I was a little perturbed....she laughed that I "probably wanted to smack her right now" and she couldn't have been more right!!!  So I guess God really didn't want me to have it done...because if I haven't gone into labor by my next appointment, what's another few days??

I argued that according to my dates, I was really 39+2 weeks, but she wouldn't hear it.  So we did a cervical check and the normal heartrate, blood pressure, weight check, etc. 

If she hadn't told me that I had made progress....(I am now 1.5cm, 70% effaced and baby has moved down a tad to -2 station)...then I would have lost it.  Despite the happy news that I am progressing down below, I was an emotional mess on Wednesday...crying over pretty much everything.

It seems pretty pathetic really.  I have mood swings that take me from "why can't I just have go into labor now? I'm going to be pregnant for-ev-er!!!!!!" to "Hey, it's not like I can be pregnant for more than another week and a half!  We are sooooo close!"   And I can't help it....it's just one moment I'm feeling optimistic and dare I say patient, and then the next I'm an impatient little mess of a child. 

My opinion on this is that first of all, most women around these last few weeks have a natural inclination to want to "be done" and meet their baby.  You're tired, achy, emotional and want the baby out.  It's hard to wait.

For those who have lost multiple pregnancies, I wonder if this time is even more difficult.  Finally, I am really, possibly on the verge of meeting a baby who we have waited for... for well, about 3 1/2 years!  We started losing babies when Isabel was 1 1/2 and now she is just about to turn 5!  It's mind-blowing.   And the last three weeks have been wrought with a renewed fear of "I'm so close....what if something goes wrong in these last few weeks?"  "What if something goes wrong, and we could have taken him out early...like at 37 or 38 or 39 weeks?"  I've been having to recommit myself to handing this over to God....in many small steps throughout each day.  But to say that it's not been extra-emotional would be a lie. 

Everything else from the appointment was great...except my weight gain!!  *blush*  I'm up to 53lbs gained so far!  Oh boy....and you can see it ;)

Still, why deny it???  It's just the way I grow babies I guess ;)

Why pregnant women shouldn't hold containers of flour...

Seriously???

I made Isabel take a picture of me and my mess...

Oh don't mind my disturbingly disheveled pantry....I had to reorganize it after I vaccummed out all the flour.

It was in every crevice, nook and cranny.

I blame my slippery pregnancy fingers.

38 week appointment and preparing.

My 38 week appointment was more of a disappointment!

To hear that I am still 1cm, 50% effaced and -3 station for the THIRD WEEK IN A ROW was a bit frustrating, to say the least.

I know...quit complaining!  The baby will come when he's ready!

In the meantime I feel like I need to prepare...
But lately I've been having thoughts of a different preparation.
Of course I have my lists for preparing for baby to arrive....all the things that are left "to-do" and of course the stuff that I make up to-do, so that I don't run out of things to-do!!
But yesterday as I was watering the grass by hand with the hose, this passage from the bible came to me:

³⁷"For the coming of the Son of Man will be just like the days of Noah.  ³⁸"For as in those days before the flood they were eating and drinking, marrying and giving in marriage, until the day that Noah entered the ark,
 ³⁹and they did not understand until the flood came and took them all away; so will the coming of the Son of Man be. 

I stood there watering and thought that it could be just like that....I could be doing a regular everyday task...just like I was then....watering the lawn.  Am I prepared?

And not even spiritual preparation (although I would argue that is the most important), but considering recent natural disasters like the earthquake and devastation in Japan, or the tornadoes last night in the midwest....am I prepared to deal with something like that? 

Do I have food, water, batteries?  How would I contact my family or friends if cell phone communication went down?

Preparation.

Is it stupid to be prepared for something that may or may not happen?  Is it illogical to have a basic plan in the event of an emergency or natural disaster? 

Some would argue "yes". 

I happen to think it's smart. 

And while I may be prepared to meet this baby, I am certainly under-prepared to meet some of these other circumstances. 

It's time to start preparing.

Quick Takes Friday

Wow...Friday again??  Where is the time going??

1.  First, Rob is doing quite a bit better....I think yesterday (Day 8 since surgery) he started to turn a corner!  Which is really good since his meds are starting to run out!  He was up quite a bit yesterday, and talked more than I've heard him talk in the last week!  He even was able to eat a little bit of pad thai!!  Go baby! :)

2.  Today is Rob's birthday!  Happy 31st Birthday, Sweetie!  Now we are on our way to 40!  Okay...well, 35! ;)

3.  I made a cheesecake for his birthday (thought it might be soft enough for him to have a few bites and it looks beautiful!  I'm super excited about it!  Maybe I will post a pic tonight once it's all chilled and birthday-ready with a candle!  I hope it's delicious!  I happen to LOVE cheesecake....who's birthday is it again?

4.  I am sooooooo ready for this baby to come out.  The newest thing going on with me is a sharp, searing hot pain in my right hip when I cough....lovely.  And sometimes when I'm just sitting or standing around.  Maybe I could cough the baby out....hmm....I'll have to try this!

5.  My brother and his girlfriend brought me dinner last night (sooooo sweet!)....I chose sushi.  Really good sushi.  Yes, I know I shouldn't be eating raw fish when I'm pregnant...it was a roll and I think it had eel in it.  And it was delicious...I do not feel guilty.  It was so nice not to have to make dinner!!!  Thanks Matt and Cassie!

6.  The weather is GORGEOUS today....the high is supposed to be in the low 80s!!!!!!!  I've been trying to do a little re-landscaping outside to put me into labor ;)  And I'll have to get back out today and do some more! 

7.  This morning has been soooo productive!  I'm really into productivity!  I got up and showered, made coffee, made 2 batches of homemade potato soup  (1 for us for dinner and 1 to take to a family who just had a baby), then I simultaneously made birthday pancakes for Rob as well as started the cheesecake!!!  Oh wait, and I forgot that I made a chocolate pudding pie for the family who just had a baby, as well!  Busy, busy, busy!  But feels so good to get all that done and now I've got the rest of the afternoon free until I need to deliver the dinner tonight!  Go me!  Maybe all this action coupled with the supermoon tomorrow night will do the trick!

Update on Rob, Update on Me!

Rob's Update Since Surgery

So Rob has had good days and bad days since his tonsillectomy, uvulectomy and septoplasty revision.  Days 1 & 2 really surprised me with how well he managed the pain and how much he was alert, up and about and even talking!  Then Day 3 hit and it was rough...days 4 and 5 have also been rough.  Lots of pain in the throat, also referred to the ear.  He has needed ice packs on his throat, and when we fall behind on his medicine it has not been pleasant! 

He has been able to eat/drink:  popsicles, ice cream, jello, pudding, gatorade, cold water, Kraf.t macaroni and cheese, chicken noodle soup (the Campbell's in the can with the really soft noodles), tapioca pudding, and that may be it!  The problem we had Days 3-5 is that he hadn't really had enough to eat, and so with all the heavy meds it definitely made him feel rather loopy and unwell.  I think maybe we've turned a bit of a corner today (Day 6) though....he's slept alot and still has alot of pain, but he's been smiling and talking a little bit more today :)  Yay!  Thanks for all the prayers...it's hard to see someone you love so much in so much pain and feeling so lousy.

My 37 Week Appointment Update

My OB appointment this morning was very uneventful.  I had been feeling optimistic that something was progressing since I had been having menstrual-like cramps (light, but constant) all throughout the morning, but no!  I have not progressed since last week:

36 weeks = 1cm, 50% effaced and -3 station
37 weeks = 1 cm, 50% effaced (or less!...she barely wanted to call me 50%) and I assume still -3.  She said that my cervix was still long and not favorable!  Rar! :(

The good news is that my blood pressure is great, my weight gain was amazing (only 1/2lb!!!) and if I haven't gone into labor by 39 weeks, she said they could strip my membranes.  Hah...so I have that to "look forward" to!

I immediately proceeded home where I've spent the last hour or so bouncing on my exercise ball to the rhythm of "Get out!  Get out!"  ;)

No, I know we still need a few more days to get Rob healed up before baby boy decides to arrive, but it's the homestretch and I'm ready to see things happening rather than stall out. 

Not too much longer....the days really will pass, right? ;)  Three weeks is really only three weeks!

37 weeks....and look! My ankles aren't swollen in this picture! :)

Surgery success!

Thank you so much for praying for Rob!  His surgery was a success this morning!  He went in at about 10:30am and got out of surgery right at noon.  I had to wait until 1pm before they would let me back into the recovery room because he took a little while to come out of the anesthesia.

The doctor said that he had to really dig his tonsils out (ouch!)...but that everything went just perfectly.

When I went back to the recovery room he looked so much better than I was expecting, and was already beginning to eat a popsicle, although still pretty groggy and tired, and of course he was in pain! 

We have lots of meds to hopefully keep his pain under control...that was the biggest thing they told us:  to stay on top of the pain meds and not miss a dose.....and also to stay hydrated! 

Anyway, thank you soooo very much for all the prayers!  I think that is why he did so well! 

Prayer Request for DH on Thursday, 3/10 **UPDATED**

Rob will be having a nose and throat surgery (septoplasty, tonsillectomy and uvulectomy) this Thursday at 1:00pm!  Please pray for a safe and effective surgery and that his healing is quicker than expected, with no complications.  The recovery for the tonsillectomy part is supposed to be the worst....10-14 days :( 

Thank you so much!

I'll post an update to his surgery and also an update on the pregnancy soon after!  :)

***UPDATED*** Rob's surgery has been moved up....we now have to be there at 8am instead of 11am, so that means he will probably head into surgery at around 10am!  (Just in case you wanted to pray at the specific time). 

Also, pray that his surgery doesn't put me into labor ;)  At the OB appointment this morning (Wed. 3/9), she said I am 1cm, 50% effaced and baby is at -3 station!!  I know, doesn't mean much- I could sit like this for weeks, but at the same time it's still exciting that something has happened since last week!!!  Yikes!

February 28th, 2011...two years since we said, "goodbye".

Monday, February 28th marked two years since we lost Mary Grace. 

Rob and I were not together on Monday, and I regret it.  We had both presented talks at an Engaged Encounter retreat over the weekend, and then on Sunday afternoon I went back to my parents' house in the mountains to spend a day before bringing Isabel back home on Tuesday, the 1st. 

Monday went pretty well at first.  I thought I could get away with acting indifferent that it was her anniversary.  I didn't attend Mass like my mom suggested.  I didn't put up a blog post.  Although it was on my mind, I felt very casual about the day...until that evening.  I was on the phone when I realized that the ballet class I was planning on putting Isabel in for the next session had just filled up and there were no more spaces available.  I completely burst into tears on the phone with Rob.  I'm sure he thought I was a crazy person...who else would sob like that over a missed ballet class??

I went to bed in tears that night.  But it really wasn't about the ballet class.

The next morning (Tuesday) Isabel and I headed back home...a long 4.5 hour trip.  That evening I was tired and impatient.  It was getting to be way past Iz's bed time and without an afternoon nap these days, it is pretty critical to get her into bed on time.  By the time Rob got home, it was 6:45pm.  Honestly, I could have had Isabel in bed by 6:30pm that night!  She was feisty and had some plan in mind to surprise Rob with something.  She barked at us to not look in her room until she was ready.  I told her she could meet us downstairs, but I was annoyed at her bossiness.

She takes her time and comes downstairs, commanding us to close our eyes.  Come on Iz, it's getting late.
"Now Mommy, you can open your eyes."  Okay Iz, (opening my eyes) but Daddy needs to eat his dinner.
"Not Daddy, just Mommy."  Iz, I'm starting to get frustrated.  Daddy can open his eyes.
"Okay, Mommy." (Rob taking this as a sign he can open his eyes, opens them).
Isabel loses it....bursts into tears... I lose it, because I am frustrated with the waiting game, impatient that she's not already in bed and not sure what the big deal is.
"Oh no, now it's ruined!  I needed to tell him something before he opened his eyes", Isabel is crying.
What? I snap at her.
"I can't say it now, it's too late, it's already ruined."  (Tears streaming down her face).
Iz!  Stop it right now.  If you want to tell him, then just tell him, otherwise we are going straight to bed!!  (Me, more than frustrated at this point...angry and almost yelling.)
"I....I....," (she stutters)"....I need a hug!"
Okay, come here, (my voice more gentle).  I hug her.
Now just tell Daddy...he didn't even really look at you, so just pretend he hasn't seen you yet and you can tell him.
"I..." *sniff* *tears* "can't remember what I was going to say," she says.  (I'm immediately annoyed again.  I'm tired of playing games.)
Okay, well we need to get to bed.
Isabel, who had dressed up in her most beautiful pink ballet tutu gown with pink floral dress up shoes, complete with tiara, and carrying a bouquet of fake violets, remembers what she was going to say and softly says,
"Happy Mary Grace's Anniversary, Daddy."  Extending the bouquet of flowers toward him. 

I absolutely burst into tears.  How could I have been so ugly to her, so angry?  Her whole plan was to wish her Daddy a "Happy Anniversary" for Mary Grace since we hadn't seen him the day before, on her actual anniversary.  She wanted everything to be just right...and I had rushed it with my impatience, and ruined it.

Her kind, innocent little 4 1/2 year old heart had remembered from the day before about the anniversary (because we did not speak about it one time on Tuesday)....and she thought up all on her own a special way to show her Daddy Jesus' love, and I ruined it. 

I absolutely wanted to die.  Even typing this out a day later, I feel like the most horrible mother ever. 

I apologized to her, and seconds later she was laughing and smiling as if nothing had ever gone wrong. 

But it tears my heart apart every time I think about it. 

Two years ago our whole family was affected by Mary Grace's death...now we are about to have a baby who didn't experience any of that.  Whether or not I want to believe it, February 28th and the days surrounding it, do affect me.  Thank God, He is always there to catch me when I fall.  Because what a miserable fall yesterday was.