Wednesday, February 16, 2011

A tearful Tuesday.

Not sure what has gotten into me today, but I certainly woke up ready to cry....and cry I did...about almost everything today.  I'm sure it's got to be hormones.  I mean, I am after all just weeks away from delivery... and that's emotional all on it's own without the complication of this month being February.

February 2011.  The end of this month brings the two year anniversary of losing Mary Grace.  And for the last several weeks, I've been so elated and enchanted with the idea of having a new baby in our home, that at some points I even questioned (in my head) if all of this was real.  "All of this" being losing our daughter two years ago.  Did it really happen?  It felt so far off....so long ago.

Until today. 

About midway through my day, it suddenly felt very real.   Memories and worse, the actual feelings of loss just hit me.  So tonight I went back through my blog to remember where I was two years ago today.  I was "expecting miracles", and today in 2011, I am literally expecting a miracle

A short ten days from my expecting miracles post, brought the post we never wanted to write.  So maybe today, I'm just weak with emotion, and filled with pregnancy hormones that have made me a weepy mess.

It's strange to be torn between two very opposite emotions...joy and sorrow.  I'm so joyful about expecting our little miracle baby, and yet it's sorrowful to remember the loss of our little baby girl. 

Today I'm just stuck in between.

9 comments:

Lauren @ Magnify the Lord with Me said...

Oh, Angela, my heart aches reading this. I'm so sorry, friend.

Second Chances said...

Praying for peace for you tonight. You've suffered such a loss, I can't imagine. Hugs to you :)

Leila @ Little Catholic Bubble said...

I can't imagine. I am praying for you.

Sarah said...

I am so sorry. :( Praying.

Kathleen's Catholic said...

My heart goes out to you and your husband, Angela. Your post is so beautiful. I can't help but think how much it reflects our Faith, the beauty of how joy and sorrow co-mingle and how we can embrace both at the same time. May Our Lord lift you today!

Amie said...

I cannot believe it has been two years. You have come so far, Angela. I'm thinking about you...

House of Collinsworth said...

I'm right there with you. Praying for you as you anticipate the 2 year anniversary.

Karen said...

I cannot imagine going through what you have. Praying for you!

Ann G. said...

Angela,
Those of us who have lost babies during pregnancy have those special remembrance days- the due dates that never came and the days our children were born into heaven. How heart rending it is to feel the loss anew. But I also think that the grief we feel days, weeks, and years after losing our babies honors the depth of love us mothers have for all our children, on earth and in heaven.