Last night I watched a show that I had DVRed. I am a sucker for the pregnancy shows.
Why? I don't know...I guess to torture myself. ;) There is something comforting about watching someone else be able to cuddle and coo over their newborn baby,...that's the way it's supposed to be. Those newborn moments are so sweet and tender, even if it is a little depressing for me.
So I was watching Par.alyzed and Preg.nant with Tw.ins.
And I had taped it thinking...."great, what is this lady thinking getting pregnant with twins? How is she going to take care of them? How come she can have twins and I can't even get pregnant at all?"...and on and on in my head.
But within the first 12 minutes of the show, I was crying with their family, and crying in shame over the way I had judged them.
Their 4 month old son had been killed in the car accident that ended up paralyzing the mother.
Oh I still feel horror at how I was criticizing this family in my heart and head....and look what they had been through. The worst grief imaginable: losing a child.
And as I continued to watch the show, I grew to love this family and admire them (yes, even in the one hour that it was)...and not because I felt sorry for them. Certainly after learning about their situation my heart was full of sorrow and the shared pain of losing a baby...but their attitude was so inspiring...
Although I am certainly not in a wheelchair and cannot understand or connect to what that must be like, I did connect to the mother's desire to have another baby...not to replace the one that she lost, but a new creation to love and care for.
By the end of the show, I felt like we were not as different as I had originally imagined us to be.
God help me in those moments before I have a critical thought, that I might remember to try to have insight into another person's situation. Holy Spirit, guide my heart that my first thoughts might be of compassion and love and not jealousy, annoyance or arrogance! Lord for all that I've been through please don't let me forget my own suffering; remind me of my cross daily that I might not grow cold-hearted or inattentive to the needs of others who are suffering. Jesus, remind me of Your own cross, that I might not take it for granted. I can only do these things through You, Lord.