Saturday, April 17, 2010

This present moment.

"How are you doing?"

I have really been getting this question alot lately.  (And I don't mind at all, by the way! It is wonderful to know that people still think about us in regard to Mary Grace and trying to conceive).

And it's not the casual "Hey, how're things going?".

It's the deep, implied meaning, "So how are you doing?".

And quite frankly I've been doing great!  I think it has alot to do with the springtime weather we are having that really gets your heart soaring!  And a soaring heart is great for keeping an optimistic outlook!

I heard back from the NaPro doctor I contacted and I can schedule with her around ovulation time.  So that puts us into next month because I ovulated yesterday, so this cycle is "out" as far as an appointment goes.  I'm not sure if I should go ahead and actually make the appointment though...I mean, what if I get pregnant this month?  What if this is it?

That is the game I play every month though!  So I think I will go ahead and schedule it and I can cancel if something wonderful (like a pregnancy!) happens....

So that has me a little excited. 

I've also been delving into some "homeschool" activities with Isabel (and homeschool is in quotations because Isabel is still in her preschool class) and I've just been loving it.  We had such a great week of learning together that it really helped me be able to focus on loving her in a new way, as one of her "teachers"!  I think God is really moving in my heart this week and I it has been such a blessing. 

Ever since ending Lent it felt like I'd been in a bit of a dry spell.   You know that feeling where God feels distant?  And now it's like He is finding new ways to reveal Himself to ways to intimately work Himself deeper into my heart.

And that part feels sooooo good!  It is such a relief when the Lord quenches that thirst....that longing for Him. 

What else?  I had Rob dismantle the crib.

What!?  You 've had an empty crib set up for the last 2 years?

*blush*  Yes.  And that's not the half of it! 

I've had at least 6 boxes of diapers sitting on a changing table for the last 2 years, just waiting to be used. 

Do diapers expire?  *shrug*

I just can't bear to part with them, but I did put them away in the closet so it no longer looks like I've just won the diaper lottery.

We took the crib down the street for a neighbor to borrow. This way it is at least getting some use and we can get it back if it looks like we will be in need of it again.

 I did have mixed feelings about taking down and putting away these items, but it is kind of like spring-cleaning of the heart...I've got to move on from the dream that's in my head of a house with many little children running around.  I've got to sweep out these preconceived ideas about how my life was supposed to be, and make room to be at peace with God's plan for how my life is supposed to be. 

And while the crib is up and the diapers are out, I am not fully living in His plan.  Because the reality is that there is not another baby to care for in this moment. 

The only child I have to care for right now is Isabel. 

She is my present moment. 

And I am so thankful that I get to be a Mommy to her here, right now.


Ann G. said...

Your post made me think of a post on Mark Mallett's blog. It's from Feb. 2, 2007 and it's called the sacrament of the present moment. That's exactly what the Holy Spirit is encouraging you to embrace.

Follow The Stepps said...

Hey Angela,
I am so glad to hear you are doing so well in this present moment. Isabel is such a beautiful little blessing and I know your heart swells when you look at her and spend time with her. I think of you often and lift a tender prayer for you when I do. I have enjoyed reading your blog and admire your faith... it lifts me up.

Angela said...

Thanks Ann! I went back and re-read Mark Mallett's post and it was really good! I need those reminders and confirmations :) Thanks so much!

Hey Kelly, thanks so much for your comment and for all your prayers! I've been praying for your family with the addition of your new little guy! Can't wait to see some more pics of him on your blog. :)