Saturday, February 18, 2012

I need to get back.

Back to blogging, that is.

Life has gotten so busy with two kids!  It's so busy, and it's such a blessing.  It's hard to believe that in less than two weeks we will pass the three year anniversary of losing Mary Grace.   There were times when I think back to the year following her death and what a rollercoaster of emotion it was.  There were some days when there was so much pain that I thought it would be easier if I were dead.  Not that I could have ever done that, but I remember thinking, "all this pain would just go away", or "it would be so much easier if..." and now, look where we are!  We have added a beautiful, thriving, vibrant baby boy who is coming up on his 1st birthday in just a matter of weeks!

Look what I would have missed out on, if I had given up then.

Look at what God had waiting for me, just around the bend...just beyond where I could see at the time.  He kept leading me, and if I hadn't followed...I would have missed out.  I would have missed all these gifts, graces and blessings that He has allowed in my life since losing Mary Grace.

Today I sent Isabel off to her first Daddy-Daughter Dance.  She has been talking about it for weeks on end.  And she was so delighted that her special day had finally come.  The preparation for this special daddy date has been a drawn out process.  I took her to a consignment sale with the hopes of finding a really special dress for her to wear (at a reasonable price)!  I was looking for something a little fancier, like a flower girl dress...Isabel had something else entirely, in mind!  From within the depths of the racks of hangers and clothing, she pulls out this pink, rose-patterned dress that could have come straight from my 1980s closet.  Rob calls it a little "Little-House-on-the-Prairie-ish".... It has poofy sleeves and a white lacey collar.  And it was about three dollars and fifty cents.  In my head I thought "you'd have to pay me $3.50 to buy this dress", but instead I said, "Let's hold that one and keep looking".  Surely I could convince her that a more modern, glittery bridesmaid dress would be more fitting.  After turning down several more of my selections I knew I had lost the battle when Isabel said, "Mom, this is just the dress that I've been searching for."  Sold.  "Okay, Isabel, if that is the dress that you want to buy, then I think it will look just lovely on you, and we can get it."

She looked just beautiful in it.  And it did bring me to tears to see how thrilled she was to be going out in such a special dress with her Daddy.  It also brought me to tears to think that we had a daughter who never got to go to a Daddy-Daughter dance.  She is probably dancing in heaven.

So there are still those moments that the memory of Mary Grace slips into our life here and there. 

The last two Sundays at Mass, they have played songs which were sung at  Mary Grace's funeral.  Right after communion, both weeks, I have practically burst into tears trying to sing along.  I give up and am thankful that Rob is out of the sanctuary tending to Ian, so he doesn't have to see what I mess I am. 

Time has helped to heal my wounds.
Ian has helped to heal my wounds.
God has given me both Time and Ian to help heal the loss of Mary Grace.
And Faith helped lead me around the bend to where I could not see.


Hebrews 11:1 said...

Love this post! How precious your little ones are.

Nicole C said...

She does look absolutely beautiful! How precious!

My Heart Exults... said...

I love everything about this post. Welcome back! We've missed you!

Sew said...

Precious! I was laughing so hard at your little house on the prairie comment! I did wonder when I saw her dress on FB if you picked it out! Ahhhh! I'm so sorry! LOL So funny!!

I can NOT believe he is almost one!!! Crazy, wasn't he just born!

Tara said...

Isabel looks so beautiful and how proud you must have felt. I know well the feeling of wanting little ones to share our expectations and dreams of the perfect ... , but what a gift it is when mama (YOU) allows her little one to express him/herself. I still remember a baby doll I picked out for myself when I was five. She was definitely not what anyone else would have chosen for me, but I thought she was wonderful and my mom allowed me the room to be me.