Update on Rob, Update on Me!

Rob's Update Since Surgery

So Rob has had good days and bad days since his tonsillectomy, uvulectomy and septoplasty revision.  Days 1 & 2 really surprised me with how well he managed the pain and how much he was alert, up and about and even talking!  Then Day 3 hit and it was rough...days 4 and 5 have also been rough.  Lots of pain in the throat, also referred to the ear.  He has needed ice packs on his throat, and when we fall behind on his medicine it has not been pleasant! 

He has been able to eat/drink:  popsicles, ice cream, jello, pudding, gatorade, cold water, Kraf.t macaroni and cheese, chicken noodle soup (the Campbell's in the can with the really soft noodles), tapioca pudding, and that may be it!  The problem we had Days 3-5 is that he hadn't really had enough to eat, and so with all the heavy meds it definitely made him feel rather loopy and unwell.  I think maybe we've turned a bit of a corner today (Day 6) though....he's slept alot and still has alot of pain, but he's been smiling and talking a little bit more today :)  Yay!  Thanks for all the prayers...it's hard to see someone you love so much in so much pain and feeling so lousy.

My 37 Week Appointment Update

My OB appointment this morning was very uneventful.  I had been feeling optimistic that something was progressing since I had been having menstrual-like cramps (light, but constant) all throughout the morning, but no!  I have not progressed since last week:

36 weeks = 1cm, 50% effaced and -3 station
37 weeks = 1 cm, 50% effaced (or less!...she barely wanted to call me 50%) and I assume still -3.  She said that my cervix was still long and not favorable!  Rar! :(

The good news is that my blood pressure is great, my weight gain was amazing (only 1/2lb!!!) and if I haven't gone into labor by 39 weeks, she said they could strip my membranes.  Hah...so I have that to "look forward" to!

I immediately proceeded home where I've spent the last hour or so bouncing on my exercise ball to the rhythm of "Get out!  Get out!"  ;)

No, I know we still need a few more days to get Rob healed up before baby boy decides to arrive, but it's the homestretch and I'm ready to see things happening rather than stall out. 

Not too much longer....the days really will pass, right? ;)  Three weeks is really only three weeks!

37 weeks....and look! My ankles aren't swollen in this picture! :)

Surgery success!

Thank you so much for praying for Rob!  His surgery was a success this morning!  He went in at about 10:30am and got out of surgery right at noon.  I had to wait until 1pm before they would let me back into the recovery room because he took a little while to come out of the anesthesia.

The doctor said that he had to really dig his tonsils out (ouch!)...but that everything went just perfectly.

When I went back to the recovery room he looked so much better than I was expecting, and was already beginning to eat a popsicle, although still pretty groggy and tired, and of course he was in pain! 

We have lots of meds to hopefully keep his pain under control...that was the biggest thing they told us:  to stay on top of the pain meds and not miss a dose.....and also to stay hydrated! 

Anyway, thank you soooo very much for all the prayers!  I think that is why he did so well! 

Prayer Request for DH on Thursday, 3/10 **UPDATED**

Rob will be having a nose and throat surgery (septoplasty, tonsillectomy and uvulectomy) this Thursday at 1:00pm!  Please pray for a safe and effective surgery and that his healing is quicker than expected, with no complications.  The recovery for the tonsillectomy part is supposed to be the worst....10-14 days :( 

Thank you so much!

I'll post an update to his surgery and also an update on the pregnancy soon after!  :)

***UPDATED*** Rob's surgery has been moved up....we now have to be there at 8am instead of 11am, so that means he will probably head into surgery at around 10am!  (Just in case you wanted to pray at the specific time). 

Also, pray that his surgery doesn't put me into labor ;)  At the OB appointment this morning (Wed. 3/9), she said I am 1cm, 50% effaced and baby is at -3 station!!  I know, doesn't mean much- I could sit like this for weeks, but at the same time it's still exciting that something has happened since last week!!!  Yikes!

February 28th, 2011...two years since we said, "goodbye".

Monday, February 28th marked two years since we lost Mary Grace. 

Rob and I were not together on Monday, and I regret it.  We had both presented talks at an Engaged Encounter retreat over the weekend, and then on Sunday afternoon I went back to my parents' house in the mountains to spend a day before bringing Isabel back home on Tuesday, the 1st. 

Monday went pretty well at first.  I thought I could get away with acting indifferent that it was her anniversary.  I didn't attend Mass like my mom suggested.  I didn't put up a blog post.  Although it was on my mind, I felt very casual about the day...until that evening.  I was on the phone when I realized that the ballet class I was planning on putting Isabel in for the next session had just filled up and there were no more spaces available.  I completely burst into tears on the phone with Rob.  I'm sure he thought I was a crazy person...who else would sob like that over a missed ballet class??

I went to bed in tears that night.  But it really wasn't about the ballet class.

The next morning (Tuesday) Isabel and I headed back home...a long 4.5 hour trip.  That evening I was tired and impatient.  It was getting to be way past Iz's bed time and without an afternoon nap these days, it is pretty critical to get her into bed on time.  By the time Rob got home, it was 6:45pm.  Honestly, I could have had Isabel in bed by 6:30pm that night!  She was feisty and had some plan in mind to surprise Rob with something.  She barked at us to not look in her room until she was ready.  I told her she could meet us downstairs, but I was annoyed at her bossiness.

She takes her time and comes downstairs, commanding us to close our eyes.  Come on Iz, it's getting late.
"Now Mommy, you can open your eyes."  Okay Iz, (opening my eyes) but Daddy needs to eat his dinner.
"Not Daddy, just Mommy."  Iz, I'm starting to get frustrated.  Daddy can open his eyes.
"Okay, Mommy." (Rob taking this as a sign he can open his eyes, opens them).
Isabel loses it....bursts into tears... I lose it, because I am frustrated with the waiting game, impatient that she's not already in bed and not sure what the big deal is.
"Oh no, now it's ruined!  I needed to tell him something before he opened his eyes", Isabel is crying.
What? I snap at her.
"I can't say it now, it's too late, it's already ruined."  (Tears streaming down her face).
Iz!  Stop it right now.  If you want to tell him, then just tell him, otherwise we are going straight to bed!!  (Me, more than frustrated at this point...angry and almost yelling.)
"I....I....," (she stutters)"....I need a hug!"
Okay, come here, (my voice more gentle).  I hug her.
Now just tell Daddy...he didn't even really look at you, so just pretend he hasn't seen you yet and you can tell him.
"I..." *sniff* *tears* "can't remember what I was going to say," she says.  (I'm immediately annoyed again.  I'm tired of playing games.)
Okay, well we need to get to bed.
Isabel, who had dressed up in her most beautiful pink ballet tutu gown with pink floral dress up shoes, complete with tiara, and carrying a bouquet of fake violets, remembers what she was going to say and softly says,
"Happy Mary Grace's Anniversary, Daddy."  Extending the bouquet of flowers toward him. 

I absolutely burst into tears.  How could I have been so ugly to her, so angry?  Her whole plan was to wish her Daddy a "Happy Anniversary" for Mary Grace since we hadn't seen him the day before, on her actual anniversary.  She wanted everything to be just right...and I had rushed it with my impatience, and ruined it.

Her kind, innocent little 4 1/2 year old heart had remembered from the day before about the anniversary (because we did not speak about it one time on Tuesday)....and she thought up all on her own a special way to show her Daddy Jesus' love, and I ruined it. 

I absolutely wanted to die.  Even typing this out a day later, I feel like the most horrible mother ever. 

I apologized to her, and seconds later she was laughing and smiling as if nothing had ever gone wrong. 

But it tears my heart apart every time I think about it. 

Two years ago our whole family was affected by Mary Grace's death...now we are about to have a baby who didn't experience any of that.  Whether or not I want to believe it, February 28th and the days surrounding it, do affect me.  Thank God, He is always there to catch me when I fall.  Because what a miserable fall yesterday was.

Quick Takes Friday #5

My quick takes this week are recent comments I've gotten:

1.  (At the grocery store).  Clerk turns around from stocking shelves and exclaims, "Boy!  You're ready to pop!"  Well, not quite ready...six more weeks actually...thanks.

2.  (Several places):  "A boy and a girl!  Now you're done, right?"  No, *with a smile* actually we will take as many as God gives us.  Response:  Stunned silence or "Oh".

3.  OBGYN:  So what are you thinking in the way of family planning? 
      Me:  Oh we will have as many as God blesses us with.
      OBGYN:  How old is your daughter now?
      Me:  She's almost 5.
      OBGYN:  So she'll be starting kindergarten in the fall or....
(Simultaneously)  OBGYN:  ...will you be homeschooling?
                               Me:  We are homeschooling her.
OBGYN:  That's what I thought!
(What is that supposed to mean?  I've been analyzing this one for days!  Did she assume that I homeschool because I'm willing to accept children as a gift from God?  Did I exude homeschooling mom somehow?  I should have asked her!)

4.  (As Isabel and I are hurrying across the crosswalk in front of Target):  Guy in giant lifted truck yells out, "Hey, don't you be runnin' across that street for no one!  You deserve to take your time and walk!"  LOL....guess he didn't want pregnant lady to trip and fall on her belly! ;)

5.  (Isabel's 4 year old friend at church, with really wide eyes and pointing):  "Woah!  Look at your belly today!!!"

6.  "It feels nice to be called 'big momma' doesn't it?"   Ummm.....yes and no! ;)

7.  (Isabel after reading a story about a mommy getting ready to have a baby)...the story line goes "Hey your mommy looks like she just swallowed a basketball!  She can't even button her coat!"  Isabel exclaims:  "Hey!  That's just like you!"   Ahhh.....so true! ;)

Priceless!

A tearful Tuesday.

Not sure what has gotten into me today, but I certainly woke up ready to cry....and cry I did...about almost everything today.  I'm sure it's got to be hormones.  I mean, I am after all just weeks away from delivery... and that's emotional all on it's own without the complication of this month being February.

February 2011.  The end of this month brings the two year anniversary of losing Mary Grace.  And for the last several weeks, I've been so elated and enchanted with the idea of having a new baby in our home, that at some points I even questioned (in my head) if all of this was real.  "All of this" being losing our daughter two years ago.  Did it really happen?  It felt so far off....so long ago.

Until today. 

About midway through my day, it suddenly felt very real.   Memories and worse, the actual feelings of loss just hit me.  So tonight I went back through my blog to remember where I was two years ago today.  I was "expecting miracles", and today in 2011, I am literally expecting a miracle. 

A short ten days from my expecting miracles post, brought the post we never wanted to write.  So maybe today, I'm just weak with emotion, and filled with pregnancy hormones that have made me a weepy mess.

It's strange to be torn between two very opposite emotions...joy and sorrow.  I'm so joyful about expecting our little miracle baby, and yet it's sorrowful to remember the loss of our little baby girl. 

Today I'm just stuck in between.

Nursery Reveal!

 Bedding is a mish-mash of PB Kasey bumper and animal safari crib skirt.

The three picture frames above the crib are not filled with "real" pictures yet! LOL!  

"Faith", "Hope" and "Believe" are inscribed on the mats.  

I thought that was appropriate since all three have been important on our journey to expanding our family.

I just have to find the right pics to go in the frames!

 I Can't Wait to Meet My Daddy by Kathleen Blease 

And the softest little cuddly blue bear/blankie!  I can't wait for him to be able to snuggle with this!

 Homemade art! :)

Well, after all the struggle and strife painting this room has been, I think it turned out pretty good! ;)  I'm not joking when I say that I will not repaint this room....even if we are blessed with twin girls next!  I will find a way to make these stripes work.....for-ev-er!!!