What an amazing year 2009 has been.
We found out we were having our second baby girl on the same day that we found out she was likely to soon die.
We loved and fought for her with a passion and strength that I didn't know we could have for a little one we had not yet met.
We prayed that God's will be done in her life and in ours.
We grieved when the doctor told us she had gone.
We carried her coffin down the aisle for her funeral and buried her on a gusty March day.
We began to live life "after Mary Grace died", although for a long time it was a blurry mess of tears and pain.
We began to heal.
I stopped counting the time since she died in hours, days and weeks.
We opened our hearts to new life and struggled with God's timing.
We relinquished our desires for another baby to God's will and gave up fighting for control.
We began to experience joy that comes from knowing our suffering unites us to Christ in an intimate way.
We suffered an early pregnancy loss in November.
I have gone from being agitated by seeing pregnant women to being envious, to being happy for them, to longing to be them.
I have grown deeply in my relationship with Jesus through my suffering and have an ever-increasing desire to do His will.
Oh Lord, what a special job my two "2009 babies" had if it was to bring me closer to you. If by losing them I was forced to look at my life, my desires, my intentions and conform them to Your will then that is the greatest gift they could give me. With prayers from friends, family and strangers we have persevered this year.
In this way God has deeply blessed our family this year. Thank you God!
For this reason, since the day we heard about you, we have not stopped praying for you and asking God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all spiritual wisdom and understanding. And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, and joyfully giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance.... in the kingdom of light. Colossians 1:9-12